I hope you are all having a wonderful day so far!
I seem to really be struggling with impatience today.
I usually always struggle with it, but today it seems like it is especially prevalent.
I cannot help it!
I am a perfectionist who wants everything now, now, now.
If I do not think something is happening quickly enough, I get aggravated.
I look at my body in the bathroom before a shower.
I see flabby arms, massive thighs, and a jiggly tummy.
I want it all gone.
I want tiny arms, a gap between my thighs, and a flat tummy.
And it is not happening fast enough.
Every day, it is a struggle to avoid the scale.
Every day, there is the voice in my head:
"You should go see if you have lost any weight; come on, one early weigh in will not hurt you!"
I can tell you that it does hurt.
Because weight fluctuates.
For most people, 148 lbs. is not a lot of weight.
For me, it is ginormous.
I am really short, only 4 ft. 11 in. tall.
Want to know my highest healthy weight?
123 lbs.!
That is 25 more pounds I have to lose if I want to be "healthy".
But do you know what?
I have lost 30+ pounds already, and if I can do that, I can definitely lose 25 more.
But I am not going to stop there.
My ultimate goal weight is 95 lbs.
Since I am short, I can get away with that; I will have a BMI of 19.1.
Having my BMI at 19.1 will keep my boyfriend and parents from force-feeding me or trying to get me "help", because I will still be at a "healthy" weight for my height.
I cannot wait to see what I look like at my goal weight!
Hopefully I will be happy; I do not want my BMI going into the underweight category, because the last thing I need is a trip to the ED ward of my hospital!
If they even have one, haha!
That would undoubtedly be one of the worst experiences of my life, because all my control would be taken away. :(
My boyfriend said if it ever comes down to me being in hospital, he is taking control of me and I am going to have to listen to him; what he says goes.
Sigh.
The plan is that will never happen.
No one gets control of me but myself, thank you very much.
Although I did tell him that if I got too thin, I wanted him to tell me.
We shall see if he ever does.
Anywho, I have to go get ready for my huge exciting day of nothing!
I am going to go swimming later to break up the monotony. :D
I hope you all have a fantastic day!
Hang in there and stay strong lovelies! <3
**EDIT 12:33 pm**: A couple things. First of all, it just took me 20 minutes to finish a sandwich. I did that on purpose. I find that when I slow down, I enjoy my food a lot more and get full more quickly. And the other, and most important thing, is that Displayed is literally the most amazing person on the face of the Earth. I got a blog post dedicated to me! Made my day, heck, my entire week! It is always humbling to be so complimented and to have someone think so highly of you. I seriously love you. :D <3
Food:
- 1 ham and cheese sandwich (+260 calories)
- 5 saltine crackers (+60 calories)
- 1 club cracker (+70 calories)
- 1 graham cracker (+70 calories)
- 1 cup peaches (+160 calories)
- 3 oz. pork roast (+178 calories)
- 1 cup mashed potatoes (+237 calories)
- 1 Kashi TLC Dark Chocolate Coconut Fruit & Grain bar (+120 calories)
- 1 slice pork bologna (+69 calories)
- 1/2 a club cracker (+35 calories)
- 3 Werther's Original hard candies (+70 calories)
- 1/4 cup indulgent trail mix (+200 calories)
- 1 coffee cookie (+65 calories)
Total: 1,594/1,584 calories
Water: 74/74 fl. oz.
Exercise: walking/jogging laps in my pool {it is a circle!} [1 1/2 hours]
Here is hoping I look like that one day! <3
I'm visiting your blog thanks to Displayed, and I must say, I'll probably end up following. :)
ReplyDeleteI love your motivation. I wish I could talk myself into believing in everything I do. That's something I really need to work on, but you've got it down to a T. I admire that.
Keep up the smiles and optimism!