Day 75 - Ugh.

Hello lovelies!
I hope you are all having a wonderful Thursday!
I am doing decently at the moment.
This environment is really starting to get to me, though.
We have absolutely no healthy food for the humans to eat.
The only reason we got fruit and vegetables is for my sister's guinea pig that came with us.
I think the only relatively healthy food my parents got for us is Nature Valley granola bars.
They got Chewy brand ones, too, but they are the chocolate covered kind.
We also have: cookies, cheesecake, pizza, snack cakes, the list could go on.
So yeah, this is an environment that promotes binging, and I have been doing just that.
But you know what?
Even the person with the strongest willpower in the world would crack in this environment.
I have no doubt about that.
So I do not feel as bad, haha!
Tonight, we are going to a comedy club.
You know what that means?
DRINKING.
I am so freakin' excited. :P
I love drinking, even though I do not do it often.
Sigh, I guess I am going to go eat a granola bar that tastes like cardboard and maybe some salt water taffy, because it is low cal and tasty.
I hope you all have a wonderful day; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful, my lovelies. <3

That is what I feel like this week... :\ <3

Day 74 - Renewed Motivation

Hello lovelies!
A very happy Wednesday to you all.
Greetings to my new followers as well; if you have a blog and want me to follow you, make sure you leave me a link so that I can! :)
I have been watching Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition (thanks, Camille!) for the past two days.
It has filled me with renewed hope and motivation to lose these last pounds.
I know I can do it.
I mean, look how far I have come.
42 pounds lost.
That is absolutely amazing.
Those people on that show give me motivation and hope.
If they can do it, so can I.
If they can get healthy, so can I.
I need to up my workouts, cut the crap food, and believe in myself.
And you know what?
I DO.
My reinvention starts when I get back home on Sunday.
I am going to weigh myself as soon as I get home that night.
I know you are not supposed to weigh in at night, but I want a true measure of the damage I did to my body and my diet this week.
I need to know how far I need to push, I need to know how far I need to go.
Yeah, the weigh in is going to be difficult for me, but I will never know where I need to go from here if I do not do it.
I need to do my research, I need to figure out HOW to push myself.
This is all up to me.
I do not have a coach, I do not have a trainer.
Just myself.
I am gonna do this.
I know I will.
Who else is with me?
Have a wonderful day; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Are you going to give yourself an extreme makeover? <3

Day 73 - Binge City...

Good morning lovelies!
A wonderful Tuesday to you all.
Last night was, well, less than ideal.
I sorta went on a bit of a binge.
Like, big time.
I am kinda to the point where I just want to keep a list of the foods I eat and not keep a list of the calorie count.
Sigh.
I really think I should do that.
List of foods I ate yesterday?
- 1 cream cheese muffin
- 3 pretzel rods
- 6 chicken and black bean spring rolls
- 1 bite of chocolate bar cake
- 8 Starbursts
- 55 whole grain Goldfish crackers
- 3 Oreos
- 3 Cheesecake Middles cookies
- 1 snack size Little Caesar's cheese pizza
- 1 small piece chocolate swirl cheesecake
- part of a blueberry & lemonade Smirnoff
Yeah, not one of my better or prouder days.
Ugh.
Hopefully I do not have any more binge days while I am here.
I cannot afford it!
I have goals to reach, and having binge days will not help!
I hope we are doing something constructive today.
If we are not, I am going to be sitting on the deck all day reading books and guzzling tons of water.
I cannot afford to fall off the wagon anymore.
Got my boy's birthday present yesterday.
An Outer Banks t-shirt (black with red and white lettering; he loves black and red) and a pint bottle of Southern Comfort. :)
I cannot wait to see him when I get back.
He actually did not get wasted last night; I was so proud.
He texted me the whole night and was coherent the entire time.
I cannot say the same for myself when I get drunk. ;)
Oh, looks like we are chillin' at the beach today and going out to dinner tonight.
For me, "chillin' at the beach" equates to me sitting on the deck watching the waves and trying not to get burnt, haha!
I am not a big fan of the ocean, to be honest.
The ocean does not like me.
Every time I go out there, a wave ends up flipping me over backwards.
So I just quit going down to save myself the pain, hahaha.
Looks like books and sunshine for me today.
I am totally cool with that! :D
I hope you all have an amazing day; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:
- 1 pumpkin nut muffin
- 1 piece thin crust pepperoni and sausage pizza
- 1 piece thin crust meatball pizza

The book I am currently reading. :) <3

Day 72 - Relaxation

Good morning lovelies!
It is the start of another week; hello, Monday!
It is absolutely beautiful here; I love it!
Last night was very interesting, indeed.
My boyfriend and I had a discussion that was a long time coming.
Lately, I have basically felt like he has put our relationship on the back burner.
I kind of felt like I did not matter all that much to him and that he was putting his friends before me.
He was always, always hanging out with them, and I never got to talk to him because of it.
The funny thing is, his friends gave him shit for not talking to me.
I was very blunt with him and I said, "If you do not start proving to me that I actually matter to you, and that you are actually going to put some effort into this relationship instead of making me do all the work, then I am going to leave you."
I mean, I love him, but relationships do not work if only one person puts in effort.
He feels terrible about the way he has treated me and our relationship.
I told him he SHOULD feel like crap about it, because you are not supposed to hurt the one you love, whether it is intentional or not.
He promised to put maximum effort into our relationship and treat me the way I deserve to be treated.
We will see.
I also told him that we need to have regular talks about what is working in our relationship that we like, and what about our relationship needs to change, so that we do not reach the point we did last night ever again.
Today is his 21st birthday.
I need to get his present.
I will probably get him a t-shirt from down here and a bottle of his favorite whiskey, Southern Comfort.
I hate it.
I think it tastes horrible.
But he loves it, so I will get him some.
I am his vodka girl, and he is my whiskey boy. :)
Haha!
We are going to the outlet mall today; skinny girl clothes, here I come! :D
I hate all the food here at the condo that my parents bought; it is pure junk, and I do not really have any choice but to eat it.
Other than just not eat, which I refuse to do.
Starving myself accomplishes nothing except making me really irritable.
And I want to have fun on my vacation, not make myself pissed the whole time by not eating.
I am going to eat what I want this week, but in moderation, so I still stay under my calorie limit each day.
And I am gonna be a water whore. ;)
A bottle or two before any eating excursions.
That way I am nice and full and cannot gorge myself on the deliciously caloric food.
Not to mention it will keep my sodium down so I do not retain water!
I love you all so much.
I just thought I would share that.
It is your continued support that keeps me going.
You remind me why I do this.
I am worthy of a healthy body, and a good life.
And so are all of you.
So thank you.
Have a wonderful day, lovelies; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:
- 1 cream cheese muffin (+420 calories)
- 3 pretzel rods (+110 calories)
- 6 chicken and black bean spring rolls (CALORIES UNKNOWN)
- 1 bite chocolate bar cake (CALORIES UNKNOWN)
- 8 Starbursts (+160 calories)
Total: 690 + UNKNOWN/1,701 calories

Water: 57/69 fl. oz.

Exercise: 2 hours shopping :)

A bottle of my boy's favorite whiskey, in honor of his birthday today. :) <3

Day 71 - Vacation, All I Ever Wanted...

Cheers, my lovelies!
I hope you are all having a wonderful Sunday!
Greetings from beautiful Nags Head, NC.
Sorry for all the crazy posts this morning.
I tried to update on my phone and Blogger flipped out, apparently.
I have been up since 2:30 am.
A nap might be a good bet right now, IF my poor twin sis did not have a migraine and need the dark, quiet room much, much more than I did!
Besides, I am not even that tired, honestly.
My intake today has been complete rubbish.
I swear I will do better tomorrow!
I do not want to eat anymore today.
Hopefully I can get away with that. ;)
It is so beautiful here.
The weather is absolutely gorgeous and I could stare at the ocean for hours and hours.
Not to mention all the walking thinspo I am seeing here; that is definite motivation to do well on this vacation.
Tonight is just kind of a chill out night, maybe go down to the beach, drink a little bit, you know.
Who knows what the rest of the week will hold?!
We shall see. :)
I just wanted to give a quick update to let you know we made it here safely.
More to come soon, I am sure!
Hope you have had a wonderful day lovelies; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:
- 8 Starbursts (+160 calories)
- 55 whole grain Goldfish crackers (+140 calories)
- 4 gummy worms (+140 calories)
- 1 packet Mini Fudge Stripes cookies (+200 calories)
- 1 small BK Double Stack value meal (+720 calories)
- 1 Cheesecake Middles and 1 Mint Creme Middles cookie (+86 calories)
- 1 packet Smoke House Cheddar Lance crackers (+200 calories)
Total: 1,646/1,701 calories

Jeannette's Pier, Nags Head, NC <3

Day 70 - Beach Ready! :)

Good morning lovelies!
Hooray for it being Saturday!
Anyone have any fun plans today?
My plans include: getting ready to go, going to a belated cookout for Father's Day, going to the hospital to volunteer, coming home, packing my bag at warp speed, talking to my boyfriend one last time before I leave for the beach, and trying to get some sleep before I have to wake up at like 2:30 or 3 am so we can be on the road by 4 am tomorrow.
Cheers.
I can have about 1,400 something calories today, and I am saving them all for the cookout.
I did my weekly weigh in today since we will be on our way to North Carolina at this time tomorrow.
I am...138.4 lbs today!
Finally under 140!
I can totally live with that. :D
I confused the hell out of my poor boy last night.
I had a major mood swing and got really upset with him when he would not talk to me.
But everything is okay now.
I deleted all the negative texts from last night and am moving forward. :)
I do not dwell on things.
Things happen, you resolve them, and you move on.
Simple.
Or at least it is to me.
I am really ticked off at my internal clock at the moment.
I woke up early yesterday, so naturally, my internal clock decides to wake me up at 6 am today for no apparent flippin' reason.
I rolled over and went back to sleep til 9:30, got up, exercised, weighed in, and now I am here. :)
Well, not for long.
I gotta get ready to go to the cookout since it is at noon.
I promise to comment on blogs after I get back from the hospital and have packed up my stuff for the beach!
And like I have said before, I am taking my laptop, charger, and mouse with me to the beach so I can still update every day. :D
Oh, and I pointed it out in my last post, but just in case any of you are curious as to what my REAL name is, I put it in my profile. My display name is still going to be Princess Perfection, just in case anyone I know were to find this, though I do not think they will, since it does not show up in search engines. :)
I figured it was time to let you put a real name to the girl behind the blog. :)
Have a wonderful day lovelies; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:
- 1 cheeseburger w/ bun (+309 calories)
- 1 cup watermelon (+46 calories)
- 1 cup sugar free strawberry trifle (+215 calories)
- 16 oz. sweet tea (+150 calories)
- 2 pieces pepperoni pizza (+362 calories)
Total: 1,082/1,413 calories

Water: 12/69 fl. oz.

Exercise: 150 twisting crunches, 150 regular crunches, 150 jackknives, 100 reverse dumbbell curls, 100 regular dumbbell curls, 100 dumbbell flies [each arm], 50 regular pushups

Vacation tomorrow! YAY! <3

Day 69 - *yawn*

Good morning lovelies.
A very splendid Friday to you all!
I have been up since about 6:30 am, for reasons only God knows.
My internet went out last night and I about had a panic attack.
You do not keep me from my internet, ever!
Haha!
Exercised again right after I woke up, so I am feeling pretty good today.
I am mega hungry but no one else is up yet so I do not want to make breakfast and make a whole bunch of noise.
I am gonna have some oatmeal today! (porridge to you Brits, haha!)
And some sort of fruit too.
I need to compile a shopping list of healthy foods I want at the beach.
Any suggestions? :)
I have to pack my suitcase (duffel bag?) today so that I am not running around doing it at the last minute, like usual.
I am going to sneak my laptop, mouse, and charger into my suitcase so that I can still update and stuff while we are at the beach.
Fear not! :D
We are leaving at 4 am Sunday morning.
Yup, that is my dad for you.
Always has to be early for everything.
JenJen is coming with us (my assistance dog) and so is my sister's guinea pig, since he is on a whole bunch of medicine for his heart thing.
It is a no pet condo, shh!
Of course, Jen is allowed wherever, since she is a certified assistance dog from a reputable organization and it would be against the law for them to not let me have her with me, but we are gonna have to hide Harvey. (guinea pig)
Should not be too difficult, he is not that big.
I really need to get some new jeans.
Really bad.
None of mine fit.
All I have are my "fat" jeans that are the dress size I was before I started losing weight.
They are no longer going to be my "fat" jeans because I am NEVER getting that big again!
But yeah, they do not fit, even with my belt on the tightest notch.
Sigh.
It is only logical that they should not, considering I am down four dress sizes now.
I NEED JEANS THAT FIT.
I am really kind of tired of hiding in jeans that are literally four sizes too big.
I mean, yes, I am not at my goal weight yet, but I am not really all that fat anymore, either.
I am mostly muscle now, which is nice.
I can feel bones now, and I could never do that before.
Bones yearning to poke out, showing the world how strong and in control I am, and how much willpower I have! (or do not, depending on the day, haha!)
I will hit goal one day soon, I know it.
Soon probably means in like 6 months or so, but I can deal with that.
I am working too hard to give up now!
-puts on game face-
Who is ready to hit their goal weight?
WHO IS WITH ME?!
Shall we beat fat together?
If we are a team, there is no way fat can win. :D
I hope you all have a wonderful day; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

**EDIT 6:01 pm**: Just back from shopping. I got two new pairs of size 12 jeans from K-Mart for $9.99 each and they fit perfectly! I also got Starbursts and whole-grain Goldfish crackers for the car ride to NC on Sunday. :) I got my salty and my sweet food so I am good. Majorly triggered by the dessert aisle in K-Mart; sometimes I wonder if a texting buddy would be a good thing to have, to help me in those moments. If you are interested and live in the U.S. let me know, haha! :) Had "normal person food" at Burger King; gosh, it was delicious! That is something that is a "once in a while" type thing, though! :)

**EDIT 12:30 am** Just a little side note, if you were ever curious as to what my real name is, I put it in my profile, lol. I am still Princess Perfection just in case anyone I know would find this (though I do not think they will) but now you can put a REAL name with the person behind the blog, haha! :)

Food:
- 1 packet Quaker Banana Bread Weight Control oatmeal (+160 calories)
- 1 piece Italian toast (+80 calories)
- 1 tablespoon strawberry jelly (+50 calories)
- 1 small Double Stack Value Meal from BK [I felt like indulging!] (+720 calories)
Total: 1,010/1,541 calories

Exercise: 150 twisting crunches, 150 regular crunches, 150 jackknives, 100 reverse dumbbell curls, 100 regular dumbbell curls, 100 dumbbell flies [each arm], 50 regular pushups


Yup, it is us against the fat. And guess what? WE ARE GOING TO WIN! :D <3

Day 68 - "And It's a Great Day to be Alive..."

Good morning lovelies!
A very splendid Thursday to you all.
Today is going really well so far.
I woke up, and the first thing I did was exercise.
I am definitely going to have to start doing that every day, because I am so energetic right now.
Who knew? :)
Also, I had a good breakfast. (I actually ate some veg, I think the world might end soon, haha!)
It should keep me going until lunch around 3. :)
My sister said we could go driving today...oh, boy.
I am hoping to get in a pool workout after dinner tonight.
We are going out to eat, just like we do every Thursday.
This calls for scrutinizing the menu and making healthy choices!
I miss my boy terribly.
I have to wait til July sometime to see him.
It all depends on his work schedule and when he can get off.
I am super excited, because I have not seen him since early April.
I have lost 10 more lbs. since then (more by the time he actually gets down here!) and my body has definitely changed.
I am starting to see definition in my stomach (!!!) and have been losing fat on my arms and thighs, which is quite lovely, indeed. :)
We were talking last night and he was like, "I am pretty sure that when I get down there, I will not be able to keep my hands off you."
And I said, "Yeah, I definitely agree with you there."
He sputtered incoherently for a minute and then said, "Wait, what?! Where did my girlfriend go? WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HER?! You never agree with me when I compliment you!"
I laughed and said, "Well, babe, a better body inspires self-confidence and raises self-esteem."
He likes the new me.
And so do I. :D
It is only going to get better from here!! :D
Something finally clicked with me just now.
I only get one body.
I need to give it fuel that will sustain it.
Fruit, veg, whole grains.
Not junky, rubbish food.
The gratification of eating chocolate or pie or cake or cookies is not worth the blood sugar rise/plummet and mood swings that usually accompany it.
Not only do I need to feed my body right, I need to exercise it.
There are so many benefits.
You get stronger, more flexible, you build your endurance, and you just feel so much better!
Wow, it is amazing how your motivation level and your whole mindset changes when you figure something like that out. :)
And if you have not figured it out yet, there you go. :D
Eiffel 65's "Blue" is now my go-to song to pump up my energy levels.
It just makes me wanna dance. :)
Haha, I hope you all have a wonderful day today; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful, my lovelies. <3

Food:
- 1 ham and cheese omelet (+210 calories)
- 1/2 cup baby carrots (+18 calories)
- 1 Cheeseburger Lean Pocket (+290 calories)
- 1 large pepperoni roll (+412 calories)
Total: 930/1,285 calories

Water: 44/70 fl. oz.

Exercise: 150 twisting crunches, 150 regular crunches, 150 jackknives, 100 reverse dumbbell curls, 100 regular dumbbell curls, 100 dumbbell flies (each arm), 50 regular pushups

I Googled "healthy body" and this is what came up, haha. Treat your body right today! <3

Day 67 - Whew!

Good morning lovelies! :D
A very happy Wednesday to you all!
I cannot believe that we are halfway through our week, once again!
Time goes by so fast.
I am finally done with cleaning, organizing, and unpacking after two days' worth of work. :)
And now that I am done with that, I am really going to get my exercise on.
I think that is what I am going to focus on today.
Just because I can!
Oh, and my water intake.
I need to fix that, too.
It has been crap the past couple of days, and I need to get back to hitting my target every day.
This week, I am going to weigh in on Saturday, since we are leaving for the beach on Sunday morning at like 4 am.
Then I will weigh in on Monday after we have gotten back.
Here is to hoping I do not gain ten pounds at the beach.
I think, for that week, that I am going to use the "fat loss" column of my calorie calculator instead of the "extreme fat loss" column, like I usually do.
That way I have a lot more calories to play with, and I do not have to feel guilty about indulging a few times. :)
I know there are going to be numerous trigger and temptation foods while I am on vacation, and I need to figure out how I am going to deal with that.
I am going to sneak my laptop into my suitcase, so that I can still update when I am at the beach.
If I could not update and calorie count for an entire week, it would not be good.
Not to mention, I would be SO behind in commenting on blogs when I returned, and I do not want to get backlogged. :)
Speaking of that, I should probably go get caught up.
Thank you all so much for your thoughtful and supportive comments on my blog; each one means the world to me, and they are what keep me going!
I am glad you all enjoyed manic, hyper me yesterday, haha!
I hope you all have a fantastic day; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful, my lovelies! <3

**EDIT 3:54 pm** This song makes me wanna dance. You should all watch the video, so maybe you will love it just as much as I do! :D



Food:
- 1 container Yoplait Light Apple Turnover yogurt (+100 calories)
- 4 snack crackers (+71 calories)
- 3 cups haluski (+354 calories)
- 1 package iced animal crackers (+180 calories)
- 10 honey wheat pretzel twists (+110 calories)
Total: 815/1,156 calories

Water: 80/70 fl. oz.

And this is the building we will be staying in at the beach. :) <3

Day 66 - Still Cleaning...

Good afternoon lovelies.
Sorry I did not blog before now.
I have been busy having a YouTube video war on Facebook with my best guy friend S.
I also just talked to him for almost 2 hours, haha.
He is great fun to talk to and be around.
I really miss him, he lives an hour and a half from me.
At least I get to see him when I move back to university in a couple of months!
And we are doing a radio show together this semester, which will undoubtedly be amazing.
Those poor listeners that will be subjected to us every Tuesday from 7-9 in the morning, hahaha.
I wanted to go driving today but it is raining again. :(
I need to finish cleaning, really badly.
I cleaned out my drawers last night to make room for all the clothes that I have to unpack.
I still have two mega large garbage bags of clothes and stuff, as well as a laundry basket full of clothes to get through.
It will never end, haha!
I am really sorry I have not been on top of returning comments and commenting on blogs in general.
I really need to become better at that.
I will, I promise.
Wow, this post is just me rambling on and on.
I guess I am hyper today.
This is how I get when I am hyper.
Uber talkative!
You are all so lucky to be subjected to the hyper version of me.
My sister is lucky it is raining.
I do not thinking taking hyper me out on the road right now is a good plan.
I tend to get slightly manic when I am hyper.
When I get manic, I get extremely focused and cannot do things fast enough!
Maybe I will be able to plow through sorting my clothes in no time at all now! :D
Haha, I need to go comment on blogs.
And I need to stop rambling!
Today is a good day.
My days are always better when I am hyper and manic, because I actually have the energy and motivation to get stuff done!
I need to drink more water today.
I just was not feelin' the water last night.
Maybe today will be different.
I apologize in advance for this post.
Like I said, it is how I get when I am manic. :D
I GOTTA CLEAN!
Time to focus now.
Have a wonderful day, lovelies; you all deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

**EDIT 7:28 pm** I am still manic. I am dying to get rid of all the clutter in my bedroom, but it seems like the more I organize it, the more it multiplies! Gah! I have been listening to the Tetris theme song for the last, oh, 50 minutes or so. I found a 10 hour loop video of it on YouTube and it is feeding my manic mood, haha! I need to exercise so badly. I really should. I ate a ton at dinner. Sigh. Maybe my manic cleaning will burn it off! Hahaha. My twin sister took me driving and we accidentally ended up in a town 25 minutes from my house because we got lost. :P It was fun, though, and surprisingly, nothing deadly happened, even though I was the one driving and I SUCK at it. :\ She had to drive us back home because it was interstate the whole way and I cannot drive on the interstate yet. :( Oh, well, back to cleaning! :D

**EDIT 10:16 pm** I am very proud of myself, indeed. Me - 1, Mess - 0! Everything is in its proper place, going to the Goodwill tomorrow to drop off three bags' worth of stuff! :D What a relief to finally be finished! :)

Food:
- 1 chicken, broccoli, and cheddar Lean Pocket (+260 calories)
- 2 hot dog buns (+280 calories)
- 2 hot dogs (+360 calories)
- 2 tablespoons coney sauce (+170 calories)
Total: 1,070/1,120 calories

Water: 8/70 fl. oz.

Bahahaha this made me giggle! That is a good representation of me right now. ;D <3

Day 65 - Cleaning Spree!

Good afternoon to you, lovelies.
It is the start of another week.
My last week at home before we leave for the beach!
We leave next Sunday at 4 am for Nags Head, NC.
I am super excited!
I love the beach.
I gotta load up on the sunscreen, otherwise, it is not gonna be good.
My complexion is like that of a vampire, so if I do not slather it on, I will be burnt to a crisp.
Ugh, bathing suit time.
Sigh.
Yes, I have lost 40 pounds, but I am still not where I want to be yet, which is why I am filled with dread at the thought of parading around in a bathing suit on a beach in front of a bunch of people.
My aunts joking asked me at the cookout yesterday if I had a bikini ready for the beach.
I laughed out loud and said, "Yeah, right!"
One of my aunts also called me "skinny minnie".
I do not see it. :\
All I see is all of the improvement that is yet to be made.
WHY CAN I NOT JUST BE SKINNY ALREADY?!
Argh.
In other news, MY BOYFRIEND FINALLY COMES HOME TODAY!
I have not heard his voice for an entire week.
It is driving me nuts.
But he got me a special present, I guess; I cannot wait to see what it is when he comes down in July!
And I get to talk to him tonight, which makes me happy. :D
I have to work my ass off to get this house clean today.
That was my mom's main job for me.
Clean the house and run the vacuum.
My goal is to make sure every inch of this place is spotless!
I had better start now if I want to even make a dent!
I have so many blogs to catch up on, too!
Today is gonna be a good one. :)
Stay positive, stay beautiful, my lovelies. <3

**EDIT 4:24 pm** Two hours into cleaning and I have barely made a dent. Phew, this is gonna take a while...

Food:
- 2 pieces Italian toast (+160 calories)
- 2 tablespoons strawberry jam (+100 calories)
- 1 club cracker (+70 calories)
- 1 cup spaghetti (+220 calories)
- 1 cup spaghetti sauce (+50 calories)
- 1 cup ground beef [in the sauce] (+164 calories)
- 1 tablespoon Parmesan cheese (+50 calories)
- 1 cup applesauce (+240 calories)
- 1 small loaf multi-grain bread (+240 calories)
Total: 1,314/1,285 calories

Water: 8/70 fl. oz.

Exercise: 150 twisting crunches, 150 regular crunches, 150 jackknives, 100 reverse dumbbell curls, 100 regular dumbbell curls, 100 dumbbell flies [each arm], 50 regular pushups

Hooray for cleaning? <3

Day 64 - Weigh Ins and Father's Day

Hello lovelies!
A wonderfully delightful Sunday to you all.
Well, it is Sunday again, so you know what that means...
WEIGH IN DAY!
I promise you, I did not disappoint. :D
My weight today is...
140 lbs!
YAY! :D
I am happy beyond words.
That was the goal I was hoping to reach, and I did it.
I hit another one of my targets, and I feel like dancing. :)
This system I have got going now really and truly works.
I love it!
At the rate I am going, I hope to be in the low 130's by the time my boyfriend comes down sometime in July.
I am going to work super extra hard this week!
I went on a bit of a junk binge yesterday, which is probably why I did not lose more weight.
No more junk binges for me, I promise!
Between reading ED books/blogs, watching ED documentaries, and working on my ED project [mentioned briefly in last post], there is no way I am going to let myself slip up!
I have to be the best I can be, I have to be in control.
And I will be. ;)
So today is Father's Day.
The day of the year where we celebrate our good ol' Daddy.
Yes, I still call my father Daddy, and I am 21.
Do not judge me! :P
Haha, this is going to be more like his birthday than Father's Day.
We got him tons of presents. :)
We are going to a cookout at my aunt's house after my parents and sister/brother-in-law get back from church.
I hate cookouts.
So much freakin' fattening food.
BUT IT IS SO GOOD!
Gah!
I think my plan of attack is to eat small half-servings of everything.
I do not know yet.
I guess I will know when I get there.
I am not going to cross off the weight goal under my Goals tab just yet; I only like to cross them off when I am under the number for good.
Oh, yeah, volunteering yesterday went awesome.
The patients loved Jen, and I talked to them for an hour and a half!
I am excited to go back next week. :)
I hope you all have a magnificent Father's Day; you deserve to!
Stay positive, stay beautiful, my lovelies. <3

Food:
- 3 barbecued chicken tenders (+250 calories)
- 1 cup Greek spaghetti (+207 calories)
- 3 cups chicken stuffing (+330 calories)
- 4 oz. sweet tea (+40 calories)
- 1 cup broccoli (+30 calories)
- 2 graham cracker and peanut butter sandwiches [each sandwich contains 1 whole honey graham cracker and 1 tablespoon crunchy peanut butter] (+330 calories)
Total: 1,187/1,285 calories

Water: 72/70 fl. oz.

Be thankful for your Dad today! <3

Day 63 - Hospitals, Turnovers, and Guinea Pigs

Hello my lovelies!
Hope you are all having a fantastic Saturday!
I am breaking my blog post up into chunks today, just because I can!
Hospitals...Today Jen and I start our volunteer work at my local hospital.
I am really excited, but really nervous, because I have to be able to "expect the unexpected", and I suck at doing that.
I like things to be predictable, and to follow a routine.
Things like that make me feel safe.
I guess we will see how today goes.
At least I am only going for an hour...
Turnovers...I had a chocolate turnover from Arby's for breakfast this morning.
And you know what?
IT WAS DELICIOUS.
Screw the fact that it had over 500 calories.
I allow myself more calories on the weekend for a reason!
And guinea pigs...This bit is hardest to talk about.
My twin sister has a guinea pig named Harvey.
She loves that little guy like she loves no one else.
That pig is like her life, seriously.
He has congestive heart failure, and he is a little over a year and a half old.
Congestive heart failure is when there is a huge fluid buildup around the heart.
The buildup puts a tremendous strain on the heart, making it very difficult for him to function properly.
He has been on lasiks and antibiotics for the past couple of weeks, and for the most part, has been doing very well.
Last night, he took a turn for the worse.
My mom said he probably would not make it through the night.
It was rough.
But, by some miracle, he is still alive today.
My mom doubled his lasiks dose and fed him pellets with a syringe this morning.
We will see how he gets on now, I suppose.
In other news...My weigh in is tomorrow.
I am excited and nervous at the same time.
I really hope I have lost at least a little bit of weight.
I am playing around with the idea of writing a fictional work about eating disorders.
Now, I would never publish it, it would just be for my own amusement.
I have wanted to write something like this for a very long time.
Yep, I am a writer, and have been since I was 13.
I usually write poetry and song lyrics, so this is going to be a new foray for me entirely.
I am currently working on writing the prologue. :)
I am also reading Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson.
Good stuff, indeed!
I hope you all have a wonderful day; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:
- 1 chocolate turnover from Arby's (+510 calories)
- 1 junior bacon cheeseburger [plain] from Wendy's (+320 calories)
- 1 value size order natural cut French fries (+230 calories)
- 1 packet animal crackers (+180 calories)
Total: 1,240/1,428 calories

Water: 72/72 fl. oz.

Exercise: 150 twisting crunches, 150 regular crunches, 150 jackknives, 100 reverse dumbbell curls, 100 regular dumbbell curls, 100 dumbbell flies [each arm], 50 regular pushups

This is such a good book so far! READ IT! <3

Day 62 - Shopping!

Hello lovelies!
"It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday..."
Hahaha!
Today we are going to the mall; me, my mom, and my twin sister.
I was going to eat breakfast, but I am sure that we are going to eat out somewhere, so I think I am going to skip it and save calories for lunch!
I am hoping to get some new clothes today. :)
My mom and sister really need to cool it with the comments about my weight and eating habits.
I just want to tell them, if you are jealous, get off your ass and do something about it instead of just sitting there being a bitch to me because I am actually taking control of my health.
And if you are mad, get the FUCK over it and stop acting like a little baby!
I think I may just tell them that today if they make any more comments.
My mom offered me alcohol last night, and I turned it down.
This prompted my twin sister to say to me, "Yeah, if it has calories in it, you will not eat it, will you?"
And my boyfriend and I had a bit of an argument last night that left me feeling depressed, but I am feeling better today. :)
I have to hurry up and finish this blog because my mom is going to be out of the shower any minute and hollering at me that it is my turn.
I will post an edit when I get back, I am sure!
Stay positive, stay beautiful, my lovelies! <3

**EDIT 6:52 pm** Back from my big day of shopping! I got a new shirt, three new bras, and a cami from Gabriel Brothers [I have a newfound appreciation for that place, let me tell you!] a new t-shirt from Aeropostale, and two bottles of my favorite perfume [Twilight Woods!] and a new lip gloss from Bath & Body Works [the stuff at Bath and Body Works was all on sale!]. It was a very good shopping day, indeed! Plus we went to Applebee's for lunch and I got something off their Under 550 Calories menu that was so delicious! I talked to my mom about all of her comments about my eating habits and my weight during lunch. The conversation went a little like this:

Me: Why do you guys always comment on my eating habits? I am not trying to be a bitch, I am honestly trying to understand where you are coming from.
Mom: It is just a big difference from how you used to eat.
Me: Different in a bad way?
Mom: No!

And that was the end of that. :) I am super proud of how I conducted myself today! OMG I have to tell you about something else that happened today! I was walking through Penney's and I get this text from my boyfriend: "Your ring finger is a size 7, correct?" 'Um, yeah, either a 7 or a 7.5. Why?' "You'll see! ;)" Why do I have a feeling I'm getting a ring soon, and not just any ring? Oh, boy...

Food:
- Applebee's Signature Sirloin with Garlic Herb Shrimp (+500 calories)
- 24 chocolate chip Teddy Grahams (+130 calories)
- 1 cup fat free milk (+90 calories)
- 1 package Lance's whole grain crackers with cheddar cheese filling (+190 calories)
- 1 Chewy Chocolatey Caramel granola bar (+90 calories)
Total: 1,000/1,558 calories

Water: 56/72 fl. oz.

Exercise: walking around the mall [2 hours]

I love her legs!! <3

Day 61 - Just Another Day

Good morning, lovelies!
A very happy Thursday to you all. :)
Yesterday was okay.
I updated my page a bit, got some tabs on my blog (thanks, Camille!)
Went driving with my twin sis yesterday, that was definitely interesting.
Drove around our fairgrounds for a bit, and aside from one maneuver where she told me, "You cannot do that in real life or you are going to get hit head-on...", I think I did decently.
Then, I drove us home.
That was interesting, indeed.
I have issues with speed at the moment, I am like a little old granny driver.
She kept telling me to, "give it gas, you cannot drive 20 mph on the road!"
When I got to our driveway, I got nervous.
We live on a big hill, and our long driveway is a series of curves.
I turned in okay, took a little detour into the weeds, straightened back out, and then drove the rest of the way up the hill.
We got to the top and I went to park and I hit the gas a little too hard but stopped the car in time.
I need to work on parking; my job was straight, but too far to the right; my sister opened her door and got a face full of bush...oops.
I think we are going driving again today; you know what they say, "Practice makes perfect!"
I am going to practice as much as I can; I want to be a really good driver.
Hopefully someday, I will be. :)
I was talking to my boyfriend last night about how I thought my mom was going to tell me she knew about my ED at dinner, and he flipped out.
"SHE DOESN'T KNOW?! omg hun why?!"
And I proceeded to tell him that it is because she is a nurse practitioner and the last thing I need is for her to figure out that my weight loss is because of an ED.
I told him that my ED is my SECRET, and the ONLY reason I told him about it was because I would rather he hear it from me now, rather than confront me about it later and have me completely lose it on him.
So he said he would always love me, ED or not, and that was the end of that.
He is in Florida with a friend currently, so I am trying not to talk to him unless he talks to me, and he does not like that, because he does not like it when I do not talk to him.
He gets all sad.
But this is just what I do.
If I know he is otherwise occupied, I will not talk to him, because I want him to enjoy whatever it is that he is doing.
Then he feels like he is putting other things before me, and he gets sad and feels guilty even though I am the one who told him to go enjoy himself!
I will never understand that.
God, boys can be so complicated.
When I was laying in bed this morning, I was running my hands up and down my body, feeling for signs of progress.
I can feel ribs and hipbones now!
Granted, they are not at all prominent yet, because there is still a bunch of fat covering them, but at least I know they are there, which makes me feel really good, like I have accomplished a lot.
I hope you all have a fantastic day; you deserve it! :)
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:
- 1/2 a ham and cheese omelet (+105 calories)
- 1 graham cracker (+70 calories)
- 1 tablespoon peanut butter (+95 calories)
- 1/2 cup tortellini (+95 calories)
- 1 slice salami (+41 calories)
- 5 cheese cubes (+79 calories)
- 1 cup lasagna (+370 calories)
- 1 piece Italian bread (+81 calories)
- 1 tablespoon Shedd's Spread (+70 calories)
- 1 push up (+90 calories)
- 1 packet chocolate Teddy Grahams (+120 calories)
Total: 1,216/1,298 calories

Water: 74/72 fl. oz.

Exercise: 150 twisting crunches, 150 regular crunches, 150 jackknives, 100 reverse dumbbell curls, 100 regular dumbbell curls, 100 dumbbell flies [each arm], 50 regular pushups

That will be me one day... <3

Day 60 - Wow, Two Months!

Good morning lovelies!
I cannot believe we are halfway through our week already!
Today marks two months since the start of this blog.
I wish I could have posted every single day, but with me being out of the country on a cruise in May, that could not happen. :(
I have made so many amazing new friends here, it is unbelievable.
This community is the best one I have ever been a part of.
The support I have received (and given!) here is just incredible.
Everyone here genuinely believes in you, and they are always willing to leave you notes of encouragement and hope, every single day.
That, my dears, is why I have not given up.
Because of you.
I have learned so many things here.
The most important things are that everyone has bad days; they happen, they are normal, they are a fact of life.
When you have a bad day, you cannot dwell on it and use it as an excuse to give up.
You have to use it as motivation to turn your attitude around and work even harder!
Another thing I learned is that positivity is crucial.
If you do not have a positive attitude toward life, you will not be able to go anywhere.
All you will do is dwell on the negative, which will draw you deeper and deeper into a hole.
Which is why I try so hard every day to be a positive example for all of you, in the hopes that maybe it will rub off, and help you gain an attitude that will inspire you to not only reach your goals, but, in the words of the lovely Camille "to make them your bitch"!
Every day is a new chance.
A new chance to try harder, a new chance to spread positivity, a new chance to say, "Hey, I believe in you, and I KNOW you can do this!"
Seize that opportunity like it is the last one you will ever get.
You only get one life, and it is what you make of it.
So make it something worth living!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

**EDIT 1:23 pm**: In a challenge set forth by Camille, I have gone out and found new ED blogs to support and comment on! I am very excited indeed! Here is the list:

Dragonfly
Echo
Merla
Sofia
Jessie
Kaitlin
Kes [who has been following me for a while, but I never knew she had a blog 'til now, so that is why she is on this list, too!]

Go leave these lovelies a comment; I know they could use your support!! :)

**EDIT 7:37 pm** I had to share this before I forgot! We were eating dinner and my mom had already had 3/4 of a huge salad with peppers and pepperoni and cheese and ham in it, and she reaches for two slices of pizza. I was like, "You are really going to eat all that after you had that huge salad?" She said, "Oh, yeah, because I have an eating disorder, you know." My heart literally stopped. I thought she was going to say something about my eating habits, how she had caught on to my ED-NOS. But no, she started talking about compulsive overeating instead. Close call, much?

Food:
- 1/2 cup tortellini (+95 calories)
- 1 slice salami (+41 calories)
- 4 cheese cubes (+63 calories)
- 1 graham cracker (+70 calories)
- 1 tbsp. peanut butter (+95 calories)
- 2 pieces pepperoni pizza (+362 calories)
- 1 sugar free cherry Jell-O (+10 calories)
- 1 piece pepperoni pizza (+181 calories)
Total: 917/1,168 calories [I flip flopped the calorie targets for today and Friday, so that I could have more calories for the weekend; I am going to start doing that every week]

Water: 32/72 fl. oz.

Exercise: 150 twisting crunches, 150 regular crunches, 150 jackknives, 100 reverse dumbbell curls, 100 regular dumbbell curls, 100 dumbbell flies [each arm], 50 regular pushups

Haha, I love this! Totally old school encouragement for you all today. :D <3

Day 59 - Milestones :)

Hello lovelies!
A fantastically happy Tuesday to you all!
Today is a very good day, indeed!
I have reached 50 followers.
50?!
I literally stared at that number and thought to myself, "OMGZ WHAAAAT?!"
To think there are 50 people out there who want to read my ramblings is amazing to me.
So I want to thank you.
Each and every one of you.
Especially the ones that offer me support on a regular basis.
Even the ones that do not comment, but still follow me, I thank you for even taking the time to read all the thoughts in my head.
And you really should not be a stranger, you know.
Say hi once in a while, you silly people! :)
This is also my 50th blog post, which I find quite exciting, indeed! :D
That is not the only milestone I am thinking about today.
My boyfriend and I's 14 month anniversary is today as well.
Some people may think that is not much, whatever, etc.
But for us, it is an accomplishment, because we have stayed together through one whole summer, part of this one, and for the last six months, he has been going to university at home.
He used to go to university with me; that is how we met and got together in the first place.
Then, he made the decision to move back home and go to school there, because he felt he was not getting a good enough education at my university.
It almost broke us up, I will be honest.
He lives three hours away from me, so we do not get to see each other a lot, and it is difficult sometimes.
But we do talk and text every day, so that is something.
The last time I saw him was in April, for my sorority formal/our one year anniversary.
It was very nice, indeed.
We have definitely been through a lot, but you know what they say...
"What does not kill you, makes you stronger."
And we are really strong now.
God knows we have had to put up with enough shit from his parents about our relationship.
They think we are "too young to be this serious, too young to know what we want, etc."
Um, HELLO?
We are 21 years old!
Well, I am, anyway.
He turns 21 on June 27.
Yep, I am older than my boy by about four months and then some.
Something I never thought would happen, me dating someone who is younger than me.
I rub it in his face a lot in great fun. :D
And honestly, for the longest time, I never thought I would find someone who was willing to be in a long-term relationship with me.
It is a combination of factors: low self-esteem, the EDNOS, the cerebral palsy.
But, by some miracle, I did.
I am very lucky and blessed indeed, to have what I do in my life.
I really think we are in this one for good, but I guess only time will tell. :)
Another thing I am thinking about is how I got to cross off another one of my weight goals.
It is really motivating to be able to do that.
I have hopefully said goodbye to 145 forever.
To think I started at 180 lbs. and I am now 143 blows my mind.
I am proof that you can do anything you set your mind to, for so many reasons.
I am only going to get smaller from here! :D
My mom made a comment last night during dinner.
We had baked beans with hot dogs mixed in (super good!) and I left about a quarter of mine on my plate.
My mom was like, "And this is why you are losing weight and I am gaining. You leave half your dinner on your plate and I go for seconds."
Yeah, Mom, try taking a leaf out of my book if you really want to lose weight.
She also seems to have an issue with me drinking so much water.
Excuse me for trying to drink half my body weight in water every day like I am supposed to and not drinking fizzy diet pop with every meal like you love to do!
Every time I go into the bathroom to fill up my special cup with water (yes, I have a special cup that I like to drink most of my water out of) she can be heard from wherever she is in the house: "Are you drinking water AGAIN?!"
Yes, Mom, yes, I am.
She has even gone so far as to warn me about the "dangers" of "water intoxication".
She is a nurse practitioner, so I guess she thinks she is just doing her job, but it does get annoying sometimes.
I love her anyway.
Wow, listen to me ramble.
I think I am about done, honestly.
I do not have much else to say.
So, um, yeah.
Have an amazing day, my lovelies!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:
- 1/2 cup Honey Nut Cheerios (+55 calories)
- 1/4 cup skim milk (+23 calories)
- 1/2 cup tortellini (+95 calories)
- 1 slice salami (+41 calories)
- 3 cheese cubes (+47 calories)
- 1 graham cracker (+70 calories)
- 1 club cracker (+70 calories)
- 1 serving pizza casserole (+455 calories)
- 6 cherries (+24 calories)
- 5 saltine crackers (+60 calories)
- 1 Quaker Chewy Chocolatey Caramel Granola Bar (+90 calories)
Total: 1,030/1,144 calories

Water: 74/72 fl. oz.

Exercise: driving with my dad [45 minutes]

Ah, water, how I love you. <3

Day 58 - "How Can You Be So Positive All The Time?!"

Hello lovelies!
Another week has begun!
Are we excited?
I think we should be. :)
A new week holds so many interesting possibilities!
I am going to make this a great week for myself, and hopefully help make it awesome for you, too!
People often ask me how I can be so positive all the time, with all the negative, disheartening, depressing stuff going on in the world today.
It is simple.
I am positive because I have no reason to dwell on the negative.
I only get one life, and I want to live it to the fullest extent I possibly can.
I have so much going for me, and I have so much potential, that I want to focus on maximizing it and being the best person I can be.
I want to be an example for others to follow.
My positivity is not an act, not a facade.
I remain positive for myself, my friends, my family, and all of you.
Because I feel like that is what we all deserve.
Positivity, and some reassurance that at the end of the day, no matter what has happened, everything is going to be okay, and tomorrow is a new day.
Sorry if this post sounds corny, but I felt I had to get that out there. :)
On another note, I downloaded the e-book of Marya Hornbacher's memoir, "Wasted".
It is really good so far! :)
I also downloaded an e-book of "Wintergirls", which I have never read, but heard good things about.
So we will give it a go.
I am supposed to start driving practice with my twin today.
She seems excited about it; I, on the other hand, am quite nervous, indeed.
But you gotta start somewhere!
Hopefully by next week, I will actually get to drive on the roads, haha!
I hope that you all have a wonderful day today!
Stay positive, stay beautiful!
Have you smiled today?! :D

**EDIT 7:56 pm** Wow, my poor blog keeps changing. I think I am done now, I swear! :)

Food:
-1/2 cup Honey Nut Cheerios (+55 calories)
-1/4 cup skim milk (+23 calories)
-1 garlic chicken white pizza Lean Pocket (+260 calories)
- 1 graham cracker (+70 calories)
- 2 marshmallows (+45 calories)
- 2 cups baked beans (+478 calories)
- 1 hot dog (+170 calories)
- 1 club cracker (+70 calories)
Total: 1,171/1,298 calories

Water: 40/72 fl. oz.

Exercise: walking/jogging laps in my pool [100; 57 minutes]

I love the quote! <3

Day 57 - Weigh In #2

Hello lovelies!
A wonderfully happy Sunday to you all.
Out of force of habit, even though I am on my period, I weighed in today, just to see how things were progressing.
I was very pleasantly surprised, indeed.
And it said roughly the same thing on both of my scales, so I know it cannot be a lie.
My weight today is...
143.4 lbs.!
HOORAY! :D
I am definitely encouraged to keep doing what I am doing, but I need to get my willpower back into check.
Yesterday I ate a freakin' sausage pizza and it triggered all of my anxieties and phobias about food again.
Old habits die hard, or in my case, they may never die at all.
I am going to bulk up my diet with healthier foods now.
If it cannot bring me nutrients in some way, I will not eat it.
I am not going to go nuts with being restrictive and start cutting out a bunch of foods.
No.
My body NEEDS food in order for me to lose this weight.
I just need to be smarter about what I put into my body.
And that starts today.
I just want to say that I am so proud of all of you and how well you are doing.
Reading each of your blogs gives me hope, encouragement, and motivation.
I do not know where I would be without your support.
So for that, I thank you.
I hope you all have a wonderful day and week ahead; you deserve the happiness that comes your way, we all do!
Hang in there and stay strong lovelies! <3

Food:
- 2 chicken legs (+528 calories)
- 1 cup noodles (+221 calories)
- 2 cups pasta salad with salami and cheese (+513 calories)
- 1 s'more [1 graham cracker, 1 marshmallow, 1/2 a bar of Hershey's chocolate] (+198 calories)
Total: 1,460/1,298 calories

Water: 56/72 fl. oz.

Om nom nom...it looks so pretty, I just want to eat it all! :D <3

Day 56 - Hello, Saturday.

Hi lovelies!
I hope you are all having a wonderful day so far!
So it is Saturday again.
Not much is going on here.
My parents are working on landscaping stuff outside in the heat as I sit here in my pajamas updating my blog.
My twin sister is probably doing something on the Internet, who knows?
I am really hoping that I get to go out driving with my mom today.
I would literally go out driving every day if I could.
I quite enjoy it, it is really fun for me.
At first, it was super nerve racking.
It still is, when my mom is in the car.
She always freaks out and tries to drive the car for me, haha!
I am still at the stage where I need, like, complete quiet in the car so I can focus on the road.
With my depth perception being slightly off, it is imperative that I do not get distracted, as it could potentially be disastrous.
I cannot sit in a relaxed stance in the car.
Every muscle in my body is on hyper-alert.
I sit as far forward as I can go, partially because I am short.
It is not because I am scared.
That is just how I get when I am focused.
It is going to be a while before I feel comfortable driving with my friends in the car.
I am determined not to let my mom's nervousness rub off on me!
Driving is supposed to be something enjoyable, and I plan to keep it that way. :)
I am so anal about my speed, it is ridiculous.
I NEVER go over, and I have to stay within 5 miles of it, otherwise I feel like I am going too slow.
My car has cruise control, but I have not used it yet.
It shall come in handy on the interstate. :D
Oy.
I am not really feeling food today.
Nothing even sounds decent, yet I know I should eat.
I just do not know what to have.
Sigh.
And so begins another day of struggles with food.
Anywho, I hope you all have a fantastic day; you deserve it! :D
Hang in there and stay strong lovelies! <3

Food:
- 5 saltines (+60 calories)
- 1 small container cherry Jell-O (+10 calories)
- 1 ham and cheddar Lean Pocket (+270 calories)
- 1 graham cracker (+70 calories)
- 1 single serve sausage pizza (+420 calories)
Total: 830/1,452 calories

Water: 36/74 fl. oz.

I <3 my car, hehehe! :D

Day 55 - WOOHOO! :D

Hello lovelies.
So sorry I did not blog earlier than this, I have been going and going and going all day!
It has been a very good day indeed, despite the fact that I have my period. >.<
Jen and I went to the hospital today to get the loose ends tied up for our volunteer work that we plan to do there this summer.
We got to introduce ourselves to the patients and take a tour of the unit.
Everyone was super nice and they loved Jen! :)
Oooh, but that is not the best part.
I passed the test to get my driver's permit (again!)
I am ashamed to say this is my fourth permit in about six years.
But, ya know, it is not as easy to drive when you have a disability.
Which is why my car has hand controls installed.
That way, my feet do not have to worry about doing any of the work.
My feet are very touchy.
That is how I got into an accident when I was 16; lead foot.
THIS IS MY LAST DRIVER'S PERMIT I SWEAR!
I did not even have to answer all the questions; the test stopped when I got a 75%, which was nice. :)
They gave me a nifty horizontal permit, since I am over 21 now.
Oh, and I got a haircut today too.
That made my boyfriend sad.
He thinks I look pretty with long hair.
I told him I am going to grow my hair out when I hit my goal weight.
I do not think long hair suits me when I am heavy.
He wants to grow his own hair out.
I absolutely do not want him to.
My brutally honest opinion?
He cannot pull off long hair AT ALL.
He looks like a freakin' hobo/grunge dude.
NOT MY TYPE.
He looks a lot hotter with it short. :)
He says it may happen, it may not.
I guess we will see.
I am not feeling well today. :(
I do not think I am going to be exercising tonight.
Good thing this was one of my lowest calorie days of the week.
Hope you are all doing wonderfully!
Hang in there and stay strong lovelies! <3

Food:
- 1 Yoplait Light Boston Cream Pie yogurt (+110 calories)
- 1 packet chicken Ramen (+380 calories)
- 1 pulled pork sandwich (+610 calories)
- 1 small order French fries (+271 calories)
- 1 caramel apple popsicle (+70 calories)
Total: 1,441/1,188 calories

Water: 8/74 fl. oz.

Behold, the hand controls in my 2006 Saturn Ion! Pretty awesome, are they not? :D

Day 54 - Loving Who I Am

Hello lovelies!
I hope you are all having a splendid day so far!
So yesterday went okay.
Went swimming with my twin sister in the afternoon, that was fun.
Went over my calorie target yesterday, that was definitely NOT fun.
I have issues with loving myself physically.
I like the non physical aspects of myself, like my personality and talents, but I always doubt myself.
I doubt myself a lot.
Probably because I am a perfectionist.
But I absolutely HATE all of the physical aspects of myself.
I can find something wrong with every single bit.
My fingernails? Too short.
My fingers? Too fat and stubby.
My wrists? Not small enough.
My arms? Not toned enough.
My boobs? Not big enough.
My stomach? Way too flabby.
My thighs? Uh, can you say THUNDER THIGHS?
My calves? Ugh, they look like a man's.
My toes? SO unattractive.
So there is my body con list.
Cheers.
I am working on trying to love myself physically, but it is so hard to when I am overweight like this.
The plan is that by the time I hit my goal weight, I will have gotten to that point.
We shall see what happens.
We might be going out to eat tonight, so guess who is saving up their calories, once again.
And watch, I will plan and plan and I will STILL go over!
Because that is what happens to me, with my luck.
Sigh.
Oh, well.
Time to go start the day and be productive, at least a bit. :)
Hope you all have a wonderful day!
Hang in there and stay strong lovelies! <3

Food:
- 1 ham and cheddar Lean Pocket (+270 calories)
- 1 grilled chicken sandwich (+404 calories)
- 1 order Cajun French fries (+537 calories)
Total: 1,211/1,320 calories

Exercise: walking/jogging laps in the pool {100} [51 mins]

Water: 36/74 fl. oz.

I am trying to, I really am, I swear... <3

Day 53 - Impatience

Good morning lovelies!
I hope you are all having a wonderful day so far!
I seem to really be struggling with impatience today.
I usually always struggle with it, but today it seems like it is especially prevalent.
I cannot help it!
I am a perfectionist who wants everything now, now, now.
If I do not think something is happening quickly enough, I get aggravated.
I look at my body in the bathroom before a shower.
I see flabby arms, massive thighs, and a jiggly tummy.
I want it all gone.
I want tiny arms, a gap between my thighs, and a flat tummy.
And it is not happening fast enough.
Every day, it is a struggle to avoid the scale.
Every day, there is the voice in my head:
"You should go see if you have lost any weight; come on, one early weigh in will not hurt you!"
I can tell you that it does hurt.
Because weight fluctuates.
For most people, 148 lbs. is not a lot of weight.
For me, it is ginormous.
I am really short, only 4 ft. 11 in. tall.
Want to know my highest healthy weight?
123 lbs.!
That is 25 more pounds I have to lose if I want to be "healthy".
But do you know what?
I have lost 30+ pounds already, and if I can do that, I can definitely lose 25 more.
But I am not going to stop there.
My ultimate goal weight is 95 lbs.
Since I am short, I can get away with that; I will have a BMI of 19.1.
Having my BMI at 19.1 will keep my boyfriend and parents from force-feeding me or trying to get me "help", because I will still be at a "healthy" weight for my height.
I cannot wait to see what I look like at my goal weight!
Hopefully I will be happy; I do not want my BMI going into the underweight category, because the last thing I need is a trip to the ED ward of my hospital!
If they even have one, haha!
That would undoubtedly be one of the worst experiences of my life, because all my control would be taken away. :(
My boyfriend said if it ever comes down to me being in hospital, he is taking control of me and I am going to have to listen to him; what he says goes.
Sigh.
The plan is that will never happen.
No one gets control of me but myself, thank you very much.
Although I did tell him that if I got too thin, I wanted him to tell me.
We shall see if he ever does.
Anywho, I have to go get ready for my huge exciting day of nothing!
I am going to go swimming later to break up the monotony. :D
I hope you all have a fantastic day!
Hang in there and stay strong lovelies! <3

**EDIT 12:33 pm**: A couple things. First of all, it just took me 20 minutes to finish a sandwich. I did that on purpose. I find that when I slow down, I enjoy my food a lot more and get full more quickly. And the other, and most important thing, is that Displayed is literally the most amazing person on the face of the Earth. I got a blog post dedicated to me! Made my day, heck, my entire week! It is always humbling to be so complimented and to have someone think so highly of you. I seriously love you. :D <3

Food:
- 1 ham and cheese sandwich (+260 calories)
- 5 saltine crackers (+60 calories)
- 1 club cracker (+70 calories)
- 1 graham cracker (+70 calories)
- 1 cup peaches (+160 calories)
- 3 oz. pork roast (+178 calories)
- 1 cup mashed potatoes (+237 calories)
- 1 Kashi TLC Dark Chocolate Coconut Fruit & Grain bar (+120 calories)
- 1 slice pork bologna (+69 calories)
- 1/2 a club cracker (+35 calories)
- 3 Werther's Original hard candies (+70 calories)
- 1/4 cup indulgent trail mix (+200 calories)
- 1 coffee cookie (+65 calories)
Total: 1,594/1,584 calories

Water: 74/74 fl. oz.

Exercise: walking/jogging laps in my pool {it is a circle!} [1 1/2 hours]

Here is hoping I look like that one day! <3

Day 52 - Rain, Rain, Go Away!

Good afternoon lovelies!
It is thunderstorming here, and my bulldog is hiding in the bathroom, cowering, while Jen sleeps on as if nothing is happening.
Bulldogs are supposed to be tough, are they not? :D
I have spent the better part of my day getting myself organized for the coming academic year.
I am going to be so busy it is not even going to be funny.
Five classes, 15 credit hours, with a total of 55 field hours between them.
My roommate will never see me, and I will never have a social life, because I will always be studying, working at the radio station, or in the classroom teaching/observing.
Cheers.
Oh yes, I have a job at the radio station.
I make audio recordings and write copy of events going on around our listening area, and I make PowerPoint slides of the events to run on our university's TV station.
Will I ever get a decent amount of food or sleep?!
Yes, because I will make time. :)
I got a call from my hospital today, and I am really excited.
They want me to bring Jen in to the geriatric psychiatric unit (code for old crazy people) for dog therapy!
It will be good practice for Jen, because that is essentially what she is going to be doing once I get my own Special Education classroom. :)
I am making a color coded study calendar and a weekly schedule for myself.
I am going to be so prepared that there is no way I will let myself fall behind.
This is going to be the busiest academic year I have ever had, and I have only one thing to say:
Bring it on.
Haha, hang in there and stay strong today, lovelies! <3

Food:
- 1 club cracker (+70 calories)
- 1 sausage sandwich w/ cheese (+420 calories)
- 1 sausage sandwich plain (+350 calories)
- 13 quik taters (+180 calories)
- 1 cup broccoli (+30 calories)
Total: 1,050/1,184 calories

Water: 80/74 fl. oz.

Rain, rain, go away; come again another day. <3

Day 51 - A Secret...Revealed. :)

Hello lovelies!
I hope you all had a wonderful weekend, and are having a fantastic Monday so far!
Yesterday was all right.
Went to my cousin's birthday party, had my cake, ice cream, and pizza, and exercised as soon as I got home.
It made me feel tons better.
But I actually enjoyed myself instead of freaking out, which was good.
I am so excited.
My dad opened our swimming pool a couple of days ago, and he said it should be fit to swim in tonight!
More exercise for me, to speed up this fat loss and muscle gain!
I do not use a swimming pool the way most other people use it.
See, I cannot actually swim very well, so I just walk laps in the water.
It is still very good exercise for me, and it loosens my leg muscles up, which is really important.
I do not think I have told you all this, but I have spastic diplegic cerebral palsy.
If you do not know what it is, it is basically when two of four limbs (either both legs or both arms; legs in my case) are abnormally stiff and/or contracted, causing them to be very weak.
There can also be balance problems involved, which I definitely have.
I do have some fine motor issues with my hands and fingers at times as well, but I have complete control over them 99% of the time.
It is caused by brain damage.
I was a preemie baby, born at 27 weeks.
I had bleeding in my brain as a baby, hence the CP.
I am extremely fortunate though, because I can still walk.
I can walk around the house and things and short distances without any sort of aid.
For longer distances, I use a forearm crutch on my right side.
I fall a lot, and am constantly finding new bruises on my legs due to my lack of balance.
It is quite comical, really.
You would think I had it in for myself. :)
I have not known life without my CP; I have had it since birth.
Luckily for me, it is not genetic, so I cannot pass it on to my kids.
My CP is another reason why losing weight and becoming healthy is so important to me.
If I am at a healthy weight, my muscles and joints will not be in so much pain.
Not to mention, it should help my chronic lower back pain.
Yay, nerve damage. >.<
Because I have CP, I have a very special friend who helps enhance my quality of life.
Enter my assistance dog, Jen, from an organization known as Canine Companions for Independence.
These highly trained, specially bred dogs (Labrador Retrievers, Golden Retrievers, and a mix of the two breeds) know over 50 specialized commands intended to enhance the quality of life of their partner.
Jen can open and close doors, turn lights on and off, carry things for me, pick up things that I have dropped, and so much more.
One of the biggest things she does for me is enhance my mobility by helping me to feel balanced when I am walking.
I have my crutch on my right side and her on my left. :)
She has truly been a godsend.
I can tell you, without a doubt, that I would not have made it through these past three years of university without her.
If you would like to learn more about CCI, visit their website at http://www.cci.org/
Wow, this is my longest blog ever!
I guess when you have a secret to tell, the excitement makes you more talkative than usual. :)
I hope you all have a wonderful day today!
Hang in there and stay strong lovelies! <3

Food:
- 1 strawberry Special K bar (+90 calories)
- 1 stuffed quesadilla Lean Pocket (+170 calories)
- 1 graham cracker (+70 calories)
- 5 honey wheat pretzel twists (+55 calories)
- 2 hot dogs on bun with mustard (+600 calories)
- 1 club cracker (+70 calories)
- 5 saltine crackers (+60 calories)
- 1 push up (+90 calories)
Total: 1,205/1,320 calories

Water: 80/74 fl. oz.

Exercise: 150 twisting crunches, 150 regular crunches, 150 jackknives, 100 reverse dumbbell curls, 100 regular dumbbell curls, 100 dumbbell flies (each arm) and 50 regular pushups

I figured that as long as I am revealing secrets, I might as well show you what I look like. This was one of my senior pictures, taken in 2008. Me and my JenJen. <3

Day 50 - Weigh In

Hello lovelies!
A wonderful Sunday to you all.
First things first.
A couple changes have been made to my blog and username.
Since I am trying to be healthier and get away from Ana before I get in so deep I cannot get out, I will now be known as Princess Perfection instead of Ana's Addict.
My blog name has changed to reflect that, and so has my blog address.
It is now http://princessperfectionx3.blogspot.com. :)
Another important bit: today is my weigh in.
Last week, I was 150.6 lbs.
Today I am 148.0.
This is major progress.
A 2.6 lb. loss the healthy way.
This shows me that I do need to eat more if I want to lose weight, as opposed to starving myself and gaining weight.
The loads of exercise I am doing are helping that, too.
I can tell that I am gaining muscle and losing fat.
Everything is becoming firmer and more toned.
I am definitely excited. :D
Today is my little cousin's third birthday party.
My family is planning on having lasagna beforehand, and then eating food at the party!
Guess who is not eating lasagna and saving all of their calories for the party?
This one.
And I am going to indulge today.
I am going to allow myself to have cake and pizza and ice cream, and ENJOY it.
This is going to be a huge challenge for me, but I want to show myself that I can have a day where I let loose every once in a while, and it will not kill me!
I have stopped weighing myself every day.
I only weigh in once a week.
Every Sunday.
And every Sunday, I will be adjusting my calorie and water targets for the coming week, based on how much weight I gain or lose.
I am also thinking about adding 25 more repetitions to my exercise regime every two weeks.
Do you think this plan sounds good?
I really, really appreciate all the support I am receiving from all of you; it is literally what keeps me going.
I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your weekend!
Hang in there and stay strong lovelies! <3

Food:
- 1 tossed vegetable salad with 1/4 cup light Italian dressing (+103 calories)
- 2 slices pepperoni pizza (+362 calories)
- 1/2 cup ice cream {cookies and cream} (+150 calories)
- 1 piece cake with buttercream icing (+450 calories)
- 1/2 cup pineapple (+39 calories)
- 1/2 cup strawberries (+25 calories)
- 1 cup broccoli (+30 calories)
- 5 honey wheat pretzel twists (+55 calories)
Total: 1,214/1,320 calories

Water: 78/74 fl. oz.

Exercise: 150 twisting crunches, 150 regular crunches, 150 jackknives, 100 reverse dumbbell curls, 100 regular dumbbell curls, 100 dumbbell flies (each arm), 50 regular pushups

What is your scale telling you today? <3

Day 49 - Good Morning Starshine, the Earth Says Hello

Hello lovelies!
A fantastic Saturday to you all. :)
I cannot really think of much to say today.
Haha!
Small triumph at breakfast, which makes me happy.
My dad made these breakfast apple bite things, which looked really good, but I am glad I had the sense to check the calories in them before I caved.
4 bites for 290 calories!
I do not think so, thank you very much.
So I had a ham and cheese omelet instead.
I am satisfied, and it was only 210 calories. :)
I hope we go shopping or something today, I need to get out of here!
My weigh in is tomorrow.
Tomorrow, we will know if eating more is what works for me, or not.
I will be adjusting my water intake and calorie intake based on tomorrow's weigh in.
I am excited, yet nervous.
Not to mention that I have my little cousin's birthday party tomorrow.
Hello pizza, cake, and ice cream.
Sigh.
I think that is the only food I will be eating tomorrow.
I guess we will see how tomorrow goes.
Still watching Supersize vs. Superskinny.
So much motivation!
Oh, and AJ/Miss Obsession, you were totally right about Super Skinny Me; LOVED it! :D
But anyway, time to go figure out if we are doing anything today.
Hang in there and stay strong, lovelies! <3

Food:
- 1 ham and cheese omelet (+210 calories)
- 1 club cracker (+70 calories)
- 1 chicken, bacon, and cheese Lean Pocket (+280 calories)
- 1/2 of a 12-inch pizza sub with sausage (+358 calories)
- other half of sub (+358 calories)
Total: 1,276/1,467 calories

Water: 80/76 fl. oz.

Exercise: 300 twisting crunches, 300 regular crunches, 300 jackknives, 200 reverse dumbbell curls, 200 regular dumbbell curls, 200 dumbbell flies (each arm), 100 regular pushups

I do not regret my sub at all. The whole thing is around 715 calories, and I am planning on eating the other half later. It is SO good, I am so glad I saved up my calories for this! :D

Kate and Louise from Super Skinny Me... :) <3

Day 48 - It's the Weekend Again

Hello lovelies!
A very splendid Friday to you all!
Yesterday went very well indeed, I can only hope that today goes just as well.
I do not think I am doing much today, seeing as my mom just paid bills, so no shopping trips today!
I am probably going to clean a little bit.
I have to clean my carpet once a week because Jen likes to shed everywhere.
I am not concerned about staying under my calorie target today even though it is the weekend.
I know that I am in control of whatever I consume, and I have the right to say no to food I do not want.
Now, if only my family realized that and stopped trying to shove junk in my face...
They are always trying to tempt me with it.
Like last night, my sister bought ice cream because she was craving it.
Both she and my mom asked me if I wanted some.
I said no.
I am honestly surprised they did not just bring me a bowlful.
That is what they usually do.
Yes, let us make the fat girl fatter, even though she is trying to lose weight and become perfect, shall we?
Let us try and sabotage her, because we are jealous that she is thinner than we are and making more progress.
That is honestly what I feel they think sometimes.
But they are girls.
It is a girl thing.
I guess I will just have to deal with it.
I am watching episodes of Supersize v. Superskinny again for some motivation and inspiration.
Hands down, one of my favorite motivational tools. :)
I have said it before and I will say it again:
You Brits are brilliant, and I love you!
Haha!qui
But anyway, off to begin my day!
Hang in there and stay strong, lovelies! <3

Food:
- 1 roasted chicken drumstick (+140 calories)
- 1 can Dole pine-orange banana juice (+100 calories)
- 16 scoops chips (+80 calories)
- 1/4 cup salsa (+30 calories)
- 1 panini roll (+180 calories)
- 1 portion Philly steak (+250 calories)
- 1/2 cup Velveeta cheese (+320 calories)
- 13 quik taters (+180 calories)
- 1 caramel apple popsicle (+70 calories)
Total: +1,350/1,208 calories

Water: 80/76 fl. oz.

Exercise: 150 twisting crunches, 150 regular crunches, 150 jackknives, 100 reverse dumbbell curls, 100 regular dumbbell curls, 100 dumbbell flies (each arm), 50 regular pushups

Today: thinspo and reverse thinspo from Supersize v. Superskinny. I give you superskinny Yasmin and supersize Darryl. <3

Day 47 - Compulsion

Hello lovelies!
I hope your Thursday is going wonderfully so far!
Yesterday was all right...until dinner time.
My dad was going to get pizza, but the power was off in town, so he decided to get Chinese food instead.
And I went along with it.
Got beef and broccoli with fried vegetable rice.
And I ate the entire flipping thing.
I hate it when I lose control like that!
So I spent the rest of the night alternating between exercising and chugging water.
I find that when I drink water, I do not get hungry.
That is how I stay out of the kitchen at night time.
Speaking of water, I FINALLY hit my water target last night!
I was so excited. :D
I do not have much to do today.
It will probably be a repeat of yesterday.
Blog, eat, drink, read, Facebook.
Repeat.
Yeah, my life is so exciting in the summer time.
Haha!
Anyway, off to go find something to do!
Hang in there and stay strong lovelies! <3

Food:
- 1 Yoplait Light Strawberry Shortcake yogurt (+110 calories)
- 1 ham and cheddar Lean Pocket (+270 calories)
- 1 graham cracker (+70 calories)
- 16 scoops chips (+80 calories)
- 1/4 cup salsa (+30 calories)
- 2 chicken drumsticks (+280 calories)
- 5 boiled red potato halves with butter (+332 calories)
- 1 cup pineapple (+140 calories)
Total: 1,312/1,334 calories

Water: 80/76 fl. oz.

Exercise: 150 twisting crunches, 150 regular crunches, 150 jackknives, 100 reverse dumbbell curls, 100 regular dumbbell curls, 100 dumbbell flies (each arm), 50 regular pushups

Thought I would give you all a little treat today. Introducing my assistance dog from Canine Companions for Independence, CCI's JEN II! Pictured here on our graduation day, February 16, 2008; one day after my 18th birthday. We have been a service team for three years now. She is my best friend! <3

Day 46 - Serenity

Hello lovelies!
A very happy June to you all. :)
I am feeling really good today.
I am calm, peaceful, and content.
I do not know why, but I am not complaining!
I really need to start sucking it up and actually hitting my target water intake every day.
I usually get about halfway there and decide that I am tired of drinking water.
Well, no more.
June is going to be my month, thank you very much. :)
I really need to go eat something.
I woke up at 11:30 today, got on Facebook, and jumped in the shower.
Some guy is supposed to be coming to look at our air conditioning today.
So naturally I put on my mascara, lip gloss, and perfume.
This is just how I get.
If I know I am going to be seeing people other than my family during the day, I have to put on my makeup and perfume or I do not feel right.
Is anyone else like this?
I feel really vain, but maybe it is just a girl thing.
Anywho, time for me to go decide what to eat; I can have 1,600 calories today. :)
I am so hungry!
Haha!
Hang in there and stay strong, lovelies. <3

Food:
- 1/2 cup cottage cheese (+100 calories)
- 5 saltines (+60 calories)
- 1 chicken, broccoli, and cheese Lean Pocket (+260 calories)
- 1/4 cup salsa (+30 calories)
- 16 scoops chips (+80 calories)
- 1 graham cracker (+70 calories)
- 1/4 cup indulgent trail mix (+200 calories)
- 1 order Chinese beef and broccoli (+660 calories)
- 1 serving fried rice (+363 calories)
- 4 oz. raspberry lemonade (+65 calories)
Total: 1,888/1,600 calories

Water: 78/76 fl. oz. [WIN!]

Exercise: 300 twisting crunches, 300 regular crunches, 300 jackknives, 200 reverse dumbbell curls, 200 dumbbell curls, 200 dumbbell flies (each arm) and 100 regular pushups.

Guess who is not eating anything else? Frickin' Chinese food. :\ I guess I know what I will be doing the rest of the night. Chugging water and exercising til I drop. Cheers.

So very beautiful... <3