Day 259 - Reasons

Good morning lovelies.
I hope this post finds you all well and enjoying the day.
Me?
I am okay, all things considered.
I still want to beat my head off a wall anytime I hear one of our songs,I do not have much of an appetite, and I still catch myself thinking of him in the fleeting hours of the morning, but other than that, I am dealing.
Today I am going to post my list of reasons for getting thin and perfect in the new year.
So...

"My Incentives to Achieve Perfection"
1. First and foremost, boys are stupid. I am not going to be perfect for any guy. I am going to be perfect for myself, and myself alone.
2. I want to be healthier. As of now, I am overweight, and I want to get my BMI into a healthier range.
3. I want to be able to wear anything. I see so many cute clothes these days, and I cannot wear them because I am a size 10 instead of a 2, a L instead of a S or XS.
4. I want to be more confident in my own skin. Honestly, I have never been proud of the way that I look, and it is time for that to change.
5. I just want to be happy again. I think gaining confidence is definitely going to help with that.

That is my list.
Hooray.
I am going to go comment on blogs today, because I have missed doing it.
I hope you all have a wonderful day.
I love you all so much!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:
- 1 biscuit with butter and honey (252 calories)
- 1 Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki 6" sub from Subway (370 calories)

Total: 622 calories thus far (1:32 pm)

I thought you should know...

...that my boyfriend of one year, eight months broke up with me tonight.
Via email.
I am no longer sad about it.
More pissed.
And more motivated than ever to be the best I can be.
<3

Day 255 - The Beginning of Perfection

Good morning lovelies.
My plan is being put into action today, not the fifth, haha.
I got on the scale yesterday and just about died.
Granted, I was still on my period, but nonetheless.
So today, since that is all over, I begin my reinvention.
Again.
Hahaha!
I am super excited.
I can see me now...
*dies of happiness*
I shall be perfect.
So perfect.
I cannot wait.
I will post my weight after my shower.
I promise to be a much better commenter now!
I have been in a weird mood these past few days...
But no more!
I have to figure out what I want to get my boy for his Christmas present, haha.
He is coming down to spend New Year's with me.
I am so excited!
It has been almost three months since I have seen him.
I want to get him something really special and meaningful.
I will probably go to the personalized jewelry kiosk in the mall and see if they have anything good. :)
I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas, if you celebrate it.
I love you all so very much!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Weight = 138 lbs.

First goal = 133 lbs. on January 10th.

Food:

soft pretzel - 190 calories
lasagna roll up - 330 calories
chocolate covered peanut butter Ritz cracker sandwich - 389 calories (*sigh*)
Nemo gummies - 15 calories

Total: 924 calories

Day 252 - A Decision

January 5, 2012.
500 calories a day.
No more.
It takes hard work to be perfect.
<3

Day 250 - Ho, Ho...Oh, Hell...

Hello lovelies.
Here's hoping you had a wonderful day.
I did not.
I had the intake from Hell today.
I did really, really good up until dinner time.
Then we went to a pizza buffet.
And who stuffed herself like a fat pig?
Moi.
Cheers.
It was like this:
Control?
What is this 'control' of which you speak?
I clearly have none.
What I would not give for a laxative right now.
Or the ability to puke.
I know that sounds awful but I feel like crap.
Here is hoping tomorrow will be better.
Mom and I are baking cookies tomorrow.
I will not eat a single one.
Because I am strong, no matter how many stupid slip ups I may have.
Hope you all had a fantastic day.
Stay positive, stay beautiful. <3

Food:

I'm not even going to post it. That's how bad it was.

Total: I am a fat pig. Oink oink.

Edit: Junk food = nature's perfect laxative. Need I say more?


This pretty much sums up my feelings about myself right now. Ugh.

Day 249 - Eff You, Mother Nature

Hello lovelies.
Hope you all had a fantastic day.
Mine was...okay.
Four days before Christmas and I get blindsided by my lovely period.
Seriously, Mother Nature, what did I ever do to you to deserve this?
This means I am going to have it on Christmas.
Boo! :(
I feel like someone is repeatedly punching me in the stomach.
Not a nice experience.
I have been reading blogs as they have been updated today, but I have not been commenting as I should.
I shall fix that shortly.
May try to fit in some exercise later, we will see.
I am tired tonight. :\
I really need to be more disciplined.
I ate some pumpkin roll.
So good for the two minutes I was eating it, but now there is the guilt.
Oh, sigh.
At least I managed to stay under 1,000 calories today.
That is always my goal.
I hope you ladies had a wonderful day and are enjoying a nice night as well. :)
Stay positive, stay beautiful. <3

Food:

Nemo multivitamin gummies – 15 calories
1 cup Cinnamon Burst Cheerios – 110 calories
½ cup skim milk – 40 calories
5 peanut butter pretzel nuggets – 70 calories
chicken noodle casserole – 390 calories
1 slice pumpkin roll – 279 calories

Total: 904 calories


She is so beautiful and tiny, it makes me want to throw something at her, but alas, I love her, so I will not. :)

Day 248 - Bouncing Back

Good morning lovelies!
I hope this post finds you all well.
I had a major slip-up last night.
Binge from Hell?
You bet.
But you know what?
I no longer feel any negativity about it.
Every road has bumps in it.
Things are going to happen that knock us off our beaten path, and we have to simply dust ourselves off and carry on.
Today is a new day, and I am going to make it so much better than yesterday.
I have decided that I am reducing my calories to no more than 950 a day.
The 950 will be reserved for weekends.
I am getting real inspiration from Wintergirls.
I love the book so much, I could read it over and over and never tire of it.
I want to be a wintergirl, light as air and graceful.
I have these visions in my head of how I wish to look when I hit goal.
I wish I could draw so someone would know how I envision myself when I am perfect. :)
My plan is to finish Wintergirls today, and do God only knows what else.
OH!
My grades are in.
I got straight A's!
Another 4.0 for my college transcript. :)
I am so happy and proud, especially because this was the semester from Hell.
Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:

pizza pocket – 350 calories
1 cup lettuce – 8 calories
fat free Italian dressing – 15 calories
2 cups rigatoni – 440 calories
¼ cup sauce – 35 calories

Total: 848 calories

Damn right, it does, and we will all be skinny one day. <3

Day 247 - Things are Okay

Hello lovelies.
Hope you all had a wonderful day.
Mine was okay.
Did pretty well calorie wise I think.
Need to start drinking more water if I am going to get through this without dying.
I also need to not eat so much at one time.
I have such heartburn, ugh.
I have been reading Wintergirls and watching ED YouTube videos all day. :)
Such good motivation!
I think I am going to see if there is anything good on TV tonight to distract me from what lies within my kitchen.
Five out of my six grades are posted online.
I shall wait until tomorrow to give you my final GPA for the semester. :)
Do you like my new layout?
I thought it was pretty. :D
Off to read blogs, will comment at some point tonight.
Love you all so much; you are what keeps me going and keeps me strong!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:

pretzels with cheese - 70 calories
cheese bread - 340 calories
enchilada – 323 calories
noodles – 332 calories

Total: 1,065 calories


Love it; so tiny! <3

Day 246 - An Accidental Hiatus

Hello lovelies.
I apologize that I have been gone for such a long time.
Dealing with finals and fieldwork and lots of other stresses has left me unable to blog.
But never fear!
I am now on winter break, which means that beginning tomorrow, I kick this into hyperdrive.
Must lose lots of this fat.
And get it gone for good.
My sorority formal is in March so I want to look really good for it.
I will be back into the full swing of things tomorrow.
I just wanted to update so that you all would know I did not die, haha.
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Day 232 - Stress

Good morning to all of you lovely people out there. :)
Hope this finds you well and enjoying your day so far.
Yesterday was fun.
Mom, Dad, and I went out to see the movie "Tower Heist" for my mom's birthday.
We had heard mixed reviews on it, so we were not sure if it was going to be any good, but my mom and I thought it was really good and we liked it a lot.
Definitely recommend it to anyone who was thinking about going to see it. :)
Today I go back to university to prepare myself for another week of hell, haha.
Everything is due this week as we prep to go into finals.
Projects, fieldwork, assignments, everything.
I am going to have to take incompletes in two of my classes this semester due to not enough time to complete fieldwork hours.
That really upsets me.
I hate taking incompletes because it means I have to worry about those classes into the next semester.
If I already had my stupid license, this would not be a problem.
Guess who is going to be working overtime to try and get their license over break?
This one.
I need to get my license, sooner rather than later.
I do not have an option anymore.
This has got to happen, and quickly.
I am already stressed out about next semester.
Fabulous.
Just what I need, right?
My mom seems so chill about it all, telling me not to panic and that there has got to be a way for me to get all of my hours finished.
I will only relax when everything is done, and done well.
That is just how I function.
I always have to be worrying about something, ha.
Right now, it is getting all of my projects done this week, and making them good.
What is something that you are worried about this week?
Food updates will begin again tomorrow.

Make today a good one, loves.
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

She is so tiny! I want to look this cute one day. :) <3

Day 231 - No Straight Answer

Hello lovelies.
Hope this finds you all well and enjoying a spectacular Saturday.
A lot has happened in the past couple of days.
For one, my Dell laptop died yesterday.
So, guess who got an early Christmas present?
An HP Pavilion g6.
I love it. :)
My mom has lost more weight.
She is only one size bigger than me now.
I do not like this.
I need to be the thinnest, the smallest.
This is supposed to be what I am good at.
This means war.
Not only with my mom, but also my roommate and anyone else who dares to try and be as thin or thinner than I am.
It is on.
My stupid scale won't give me a straight answer on how much I weigh.
I got anywhere from 139.2 to 137.6 this morning.
It is so annoying.
I need to figure out my game plan for all this food stuff.
Less food, more exercise, more water.
I cannot slack off anymore.
I need to be the thinnest.
Somewhere, in my twisted mind, I have decided I need to be the winner of this food game in my life.
And I will be.
I do not care if I have to fast for days.
As long as I am eating less than everyone around me and exercising more than they are, I win.
This weekend is my mom's birthday, so I cannot really get away with not eating.
That will not fly here.
My family are a bunch of foodies.
They expect me to eat everything on my plate, every time.
Welcome to Hell, for sure.
How are the rest of you doing?
Well, I hope.
I will get caught up on blogs when I have a moment to breathe.
I have to go get ready now.
Make today a good one!

Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

I love this for some reason. She is so cute. :) <3

Day 229 - It Never Stops.

Greetings lovelies!
I hope this finds you all having a spectacular day.
My apologies for not blogging yesterday; I was super busy and could not find the time to sit down and write.
Today has not been too bad; fieldwork this morning, now getting some work done in the computer lab before my 3:30 Education class.
I am going home tomorrow, and I plan on weighing in Saturday morning.
I have to go home because Saturday is my mom's birthday, and I know it would break her heart if I did not help her celebrate it.
I should be getting paid by the school within the next week or so, which is going to be really nice.
Cash flow for holiday shopping?
I can roll with that! :)
I have to make this short because I am in the university library on a public computer surrounded by a whole bunch of other people.
I promise I will return comments tonight!
I hope you made today a good one.
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food [yesterday]:
- 1/4 cup chicken broth (+10 calories)
- 1/4 cup noodles (+55 calories)
- 1/4 cup grilled chicken (+61 calories)
- 2 broccoli florets (+26 calories)
- 1 Monte Cristo sandwich [ham & swiss] (+443 calories)
- 1 kid size Cheesecake ice cream [ColdStone Creamery] (+170 calories)

Total: 765/1,000 calories

Food [today]:
- turkey and swiss sandwich on wheat (+360 calories)
- banana (+112 calories)
- Lays potato chips (+240 calories)

Total so far: 712/1,000 calories

This is my absolute favorite thinspiration picture. Love. <3

Day 227 - It's Been a Long One...

Greetings my gorgeous ones.
I hope you all had a fantastic day!
My day was all right, all things considered.
I got up at 4:45 am to be ready by 6 am to walk to our campus radio station to do my morning show at 7 am with my partner.
I went straight from the show, which ended at 9 am, to my field placement (I am studying to be an intervention specialist) that was half an hour away.
I was there until 11:30, when I had to leave and come back for a class I had at 12:30.
I had a salad for lunch in a moving vehicle, which was definitely not fun because I ended up getting dressing on my pants. (no, I was not driving)
After my 12:30 class I had to interview our college chaplain for the radio station, which was at 2:15. (it is a story about our campus Christmas service that is open to the whole community)
He talked to me until 3 pm, when I ran back over to the station to import the video from the camera I used.
I had class from 3:30 until 4:45, I came back, changed clothes because I was still dressed up, ate dinner, took a power nap from about 5:45 to 6:30, messed around on Facebook, and now I am here. :)
So yes, it has been a busy day for me. :)
I am super excited for the chance to relax tonight and watch the newest episode of Glee. :D
Food wise, not too bad today I do not think, which is good.
I cannot wait to read everyone's blogs; WELCOME to my new followers!
I hope you enjoy reading my blog, even though 99% of the time I think my life is dull as all get out.
Ha!
Hope you all had a wonderful day; off to read and comment blogs now! :)
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:
- multivitamin gummies (+15 calories)
- Milk and Cereal Bar (+180 calories)
- 2 cups lettuce (+16 calories)
- 1/2 cup honey mustard dressing (+220 calories)
- 1 banana (+112 calories)
- pulled pork sandwich (+400 calories)
- mixed veggies (+19 calories)

Total: 962/1,000 calories

Oh my. Impossibly tiny legs. Want. :D <3

Day 226 - Oh, Joy.

Good morning. :)
I hope this finds you all well.
Yesterday did not exactly go as planned.
I got back to university at about 3:30, and proceeded to spend the next three hours at our college radio station getting work done.
I have a job there, if I never mentioned that. :)
Then one of my friends swings by and kidnaps me to take me to Wal-Mart at 6:45.
I had a meeting at 8, and walked into the meeting at 8:05.
After that, we had to take my sorority "Big" to Wal-Mart.
We had to get a pregnancy test for her.
Negative, thank goodness.
This is not the first time this has happened, of course.
Regardless, we are very happy there are not going to be any babies.
Food wise, the evening turned sour real fast.
Little nibbles here and there that I am sure are ultimately going to add up really quickly.
No more of this.
I need to focus.
The only way I am going to succeed is if I focus.
I have a very busy day ahead of me but I just wanted to post before things got crazy.
I will check in with you all tonight when I have some more time.
Make today a good one!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:
- multivitamin gummies (+15 calories)
- raspberry cheesecake Special K bar (+90 calories)
- bowl of minestrone soup (+117 calories)
- banana (+112 calories)
- peanut butter crackers (+180 calories)

Total: 414/1,000 calories

Control is what I need, control is what I shall have... <3

Day...225? Holy crap.

Hello there. :)
So it is day one of me getting back into the swing of things.
Yet again.
It has been an okay day so far.
I have it in my mind that I need to be 130 by Christmas.
I know I can do it.
10 pounds?
That is not so much.
I am pretty sure I can lose that relatively easily.
Especially with me going back to university for the next two weeks.
I just want a healthy BMI for Christmas.
Or, closer to healthy, anyway.
My highest "healthy BMI" weight is 123 pounds.
So it is my mission to get there, and quickly.
I am not going to be completely starving myself.
But I am going to be extremely careful about what foods I eat.
No desserts, less bread, which, if I have to eat it, will be wheat.
Lean meat, if I eat it.
Peanut butter for sure, so I get protein.
Lots of salad (low fat dressings of course) and fruits.
I am going to have to start drinking milk again as well, so I get enough calcium.
My goal daily is 1,000 calories, so that my body does not go into starvation mode.
That is the last thing I need.
More walks around campus with my puppy dog and roommate.
Making sure I get enough sleep would probably be good too.
I do not look half bad now, but there is definitely room for improvement.
My BMI is currently 28.2, ick.
I need to get it down under 25 so I am actually healthy!
My goal weight range is between 105 and 110 pounds.
That will give me some wiggle room, and a BMI between 21.2 and 22.2.
Higher than some would be comfortable with, but I have a feeling my body is going to look satisfactory at those weights.
Any lower and I think my boyfriend would worry himself to death over me.
That and I would look sick.
I have a large frame, so I cannot go too low in terms of my weight.
Current mini goal is 135.
Once I get there, then it will be 130.
I am super excited.
How have you all been today?
Remember to stay positive, and stay beautiful! <3

Food:
- 2 cups potato soup (+146 calories)
- 1 piece white bread with 1 tbsp. butter (+140 calories)

Total: 286/1,000 calories

One day, girls, one day... <3

Well, hello, there.

I do not know how long it has been.
Probably a considerable length of time.
Something I do know?
I am back.
Time to begin anew, once more.
I am currently 140 pounds of fat, and I need to change that.
I have missed you all dearly, and cannot express just how wonderful it is to have returned.
I am going to go comment on some blogs, to see what you all have been up to.
I will fill in the gaps tomorrow.
If I can even remember what all has happened, ha.
But I am back.
And I am here to stay. :)
Stay positive, stay beautiful. <3

I will get here one day; there is something glamorous about this picture, I think. <3

Day 108 - A Life Update.

Hello lovelies.
Just a quick update to let you know I am not dead or dying or critically injured.
I have just been taking some time out to refocus my life and prepare for my senior year of university.
3 weeks from today I move back.
I am excited.
I am probably going to not be around as much for a while.
Just thought I would let you all know.
I will be around every now and again, to read and comment blogs, but it will not be every day like it used to be.
I hope this post finds you all well, happy, and positive.
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Day 100 - Gaining Back Control

Good morning lovelies!
Hoping this finds you having a wonderful Monday.
So sorry I have not been around much lately.
What with my boy being here on Thursday and Friday, and the weekend...time just got away from me.
Things have been...decent.
I gained again this weekend, but honestly, it was to be expected, because of all the junk I ate.
But no more.
Today, I am water fasting to detox my poor body and hopefully get rid of some of the crap in there.
I also came up with a workout schedule for myself.
Cardio on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday.
Toning on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.
Cheers. :)
As far as today goes, I am going to drink a big glass of water every hour until dinnertime.
I know I will have to eat dinner, I can never get out of it.
But the good news is that I will be doing two hours' worth of cardio right after dinner, so I will burn most of it off. :D
This is, honestly, probably how every day during the week is going to go.
Drink water all day, eat dinner, exercise.
Repeat.
Then on the weekends, hope it all does not go to hell.
Sigh.
I need to lose this weight.
NEEEEED TO.
More than anything.
I am going to have to start figuring out how I want to eat and exercise when I get back to school.
Any ideas?
I want to hit my UGW while I am away at university.
I know I can do it.
And with my hectic lifestyle this semester, I think it will be all too easy.
I just hope no one decides to be forceful.
Because I will rebel.
Oh, you betcha.
I like being at school more because I can get away with a lot more stuff than I can if I am here.
I think subconsciously, I purposely scheduled my Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays so that I do not have a lunch break.
I am screwed on Tuesday and Thursday, though, because I only have one class that day.
Haha, great.
At least I can get tons of exercise walking the campus to make up for it! ;)
Even though my boyfriend is not at university with me anymore, he does not have to worry about me being unprotected, because I have my best friend and 30-something sorority sisters to watch out for me.
I loooove college. ;)
Hope you all have a wonderful day; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food
Dinner [6:00 pm]
- 1 burger patty (140 calories)
- 1 slice Kraft Singles American cheese (70 calories)
- 1 hamburger bun (110 calories)
- 10 Ore Ida Extra Crispy fries (150 calories)
Total: 470 calories

A picture of my university campus in Ohio; I love this place! :D

Day 99 - A Poem...

Strength in a Secret [yes, I wrote this...]

Get rid of it, orders the voice.
But why?, I think.
I have not done anything wrong.
Lies, hisses the voice.
You are a horrible, horrible girl.
Evil, naughty, you are.
You knew you should not have eaten that, but you did anyway.
Now, you must pay.
Get rid of it.
Obediently, I go into the bathroom.
The lid on the toilet seat has been left up, almost as if in invitation.
I kneel in front of the white porcelain; stick my finger down my throat.
Tickling, scratching, I feel my body respond as it tries to reject the forbidden food inside me.
I retch, I choke, I gag.
Yet for all that, I gain no reward.
You are not trying hard enough, goads the voice.
GET RID OF IT, YOU STUPID, FAT, LAZY, PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A PERSON!!
Not wanting to anger the voice further, I try again.
My stomach clenches, my body tenses, as the tickling of my finger in the back of my throat begins to yield results.
Although my nose runs in earnest, and tears pour from my eyes, the first splashes of color appear in the transparent pool.
Exhilarated, I keep up the routine until all I have consumed is sitting under my nose.
The reds, blues, greens, and yellows of a complete and utter loss of control.
The control that I hold so dear.
That is more like it, pipes the voice.
And to think, you could have avoided this, if you were stronger.
As I stare at my forbidden feast floating in front of me, I feel a sense of accomplishment.
I put the lid down, flush, and know without a doubt that somehow, I AM strong.
Stronger than any food will ever be, with the voice in my head to guide me.
I smile, for no one knows my secret.
And they never will.

Day 97 - Luckiest Girl in the World!

Hello lovelies!
Another short post again, because I am pressed for time.
I just had to tell you what happened yesterday!
MY BOYFRIEND SURPRISED ME WITH A PROMISE RING!
I am SO excited!
It looks more like an engagement ring, to be honest.
My boy said that is what it was GOING to be, then he remembered my dad is old-fashioned and decided to make it a promise ring instead.
I am completely happy, because I could never imagine myself with anyone else but him. :)
We are going to see Friends with Benefits today!
Me, boy, mom, and twin sister, lol.
I hope you are all doing wonderfully.
Have an awesome day today; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

My promise ring; what do you think? :D <3

Day 96 - Oh, Rapture...

Good morning!
Happy Thursday!
Just a quick update as I have got some major cleaning to do.
Weighed in this morning at 137.8, that is the lowest my weight has been in forever!
I am completely and totally wired today.
My body woke me up at 6 am and I could not go back to sleep, so at 9:30 I just said screw it and got up, haha.
My boy is supposed to be here between 1 and 2; fingers crossed!
My family is going to a pizza buffet tonight for dinner.
Definitely not looking forward to it, but am going to try and enjoy it for my boy's sake.
I know he worries about me.
I am so excited I can barely sit still, haha.
Not looking forward to cleaning, but it has gotta be done.
Weighing the least I have in years is definitely a good start to my day!
I hope you all have a wonderful one; you deserve it!
I will post when I can. :)
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Today's food demon. Cheers! <3

Day 95 - Battles

Good morning lovelies!
Hoping this finds you having a fantastic Wednesday.
The week is half over, once again.
I move back to university in 4 and a half weeks' time.
Scary.
Although, this is not my last summer of freedom before the "real world".
Next summer is, haha.
I am noticing that I still have some little demons in my head.
Battling me.
It is unsettling, but I still have a handle on it.
You know those demons.
The ones that tell you that you should not eat certain foods because they will make you fat.
The ones that tell you that weighing yourself early will not kill you.
The ones that tell you to do another 100 crunches because the 500 you have already done are not enough.
And, most importantly, the ones that tell you that even though you have lost bunches of weight already, you are still fat and there is still room for improvement.
Do the rest of you have these demons in your head? What do yours say to you?
My turn signal thingy bob that I wanted came yesterday, which was totally cool.
I think my car MIGHT be back in my driveway, 'cause I heard commotion outside earlier.
Woohoo!
My boy comes tomorrow.
I am super freakin' excited!
He just texted to say we will not be able to go out anywhere when he gets here because of his budget, and I said, "Seriously? You really think I care if we go anywhere? I just want to frickin' see you! IT HAS BEEN THREE MONTHS."
I cannot waaaaaaaaaitttttttt. :D
He says he has presents for me.
Oh, gosh, presents?
Cheers!
I like nice things!
Haha!
I need to find something to do today.
Hm, the possibilities. :)
Hope you lovelies all have an absolutely wonderful day; you deserve to!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food
Lunch [1:45 pm]
- 1/4 cup chocolate & nut trail mix (173 calories)
- 1/2 a chicken & jalapeno cheddar pretzel bread Lean Pocket (140 calories)
Dinner [6:00 pm]
- 1 hot dog bun (120 calories)
- 1 hot dog (170 calories)
- 1/4 cup coney sauce (340 calories)
- 1 ear corn (83 calories)
Total: 1,026 calories

She is so beautiful. I want to be that one day. <3

Day 94 - A Sense of Calm

Good afternoon lovelies. :)
Hoping this finds you having a beautiful Tuesday!
Not much to say on my end today.
I am just really calm and in a good place.
Did really, really well with my eating yesterday.
I am so proud.
No binging! :D
My boy should be coming down on Thursday, which is more exciting than anything else.
I am currently helping my best friend look at bridesmaid dresses online.
Neither of our weddings is in like the next year or anything, but it is still fun to look. :)
I like being girly like this.
I found a wedding dress for myself too, hahaha.
Now if only I could walk without tripping. :P
I guess I am caught up in wedding craziness because a lot of my friends in real life are getting ready to get married, and I know Kitty is preparing for her wedding, too. :)
Enough of my rambling on about wedding wishes, lol.
Time to go read a book...or something!
Hope you all have a fantastic day; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food
Lunch [2:00 pm]
- 2 mini cheese pizzas (190 calories)
Snacks
- 1 chewy peanut sweet and salty granola bar (190 calories)
Dinner [6:00 pm]
- 1 butter & egg sandwich bun (120 calories)
- 1 portion Philly steak (250 calories)
- 1/2 cup cheese sauce (220 calories; could not portion it, my dad made the sandwich)
- 1 sugar free caramel pudding (60 calories)
Total: 1,030 calories

Exercise: Just Dance 2 (-63 calories)

Net Total: 967 calories

This is my dream wedding dress. Princess, much?! :D <3

Day 93 - Why Can I Not Be Happy?

Good afternoon lovelies!
I hope this finds you having a wonderful Monday!
I am having a time today.
I thought I was going to be happy with this new plan, but I changed it further, haha.
Half of everything, every food serving has to be less than 200 calories.
Not forcing myself to eat if I am not feeling like it.
And generally just living and eating as if I am already thin.
Would a thin person eat this?
No?
Then I will not either.
Simple.
A thin person would exercise for this long?
Then I will, too.
I am through playing by the others' rules.
I will create my own definition of "healthy".
They have their own definition, so will I.
I will not stop until I am thin.
I will not stop until I am perfect.
I want this more than anything, and I will keep my eyes on the prize.
I promise to comment on blogs now!
Have a wonderful, beautiful day, my lovelies; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food
Breakfast [11:00 am]
- 1/2 a whole wheat bagel (94 calories)
Lunch [1:45 pm]
- 1/2 a white meat chicken and three cheese quesadilla (145 calories)
- 1 bottle diet ginger ale (0 calories)
Snacks
- 1/4 cup salsa (30 calories)
- 6 Flatbread Crisps crackers (70 calories)
- 1 graham cracker (70 calories)
Dinner [6:00 pm]
- 1 stuffed shell (115 calories)
- 1 piece five cheese garlic toast (180 calories)
Total: 704 calories

Water: 32 fluid ounces

Exercise: 250 twisting crunches, 250 regular crunches, 250 jackknives (-90 calories)

Net Total: 614 calories

This IS for me, and I will not stop until I have reached perfection. <3

Day 92 - Another Change of Plans

Good morning lovelies!
I hope this finds all of you well and having a wonderful Saturday.
I weighed myself this morning.
I probably should not have, ha.
139.8 pounds.
I really need to quit eating junk food.
I really do.
All it does is make me gain weight.
I KNOW this, yet I eat it anyway.
Sigh.
Well, no more.
My plan is undergoing some changes, as of right now.
The biggest, and most important change is that there are going to be no more calorie targets.
I am going to eat to a number of calories I feel comfortable with, and then stop.
That is going to change depending on the day.
Another thing is that I am not going to rely on the scale so much.
Instead, I am going to rely on body changes.
I am going to work my butt off, and hopefully it pays off.
Once I see a marked difference in my body/how my clothes fit, I may hop back on the scale.
I am just so tired of fluctuations.
In other non-weight related news, my boyfriend started his job yesterday and he loves it. :)
He told me he plans to come down on his days off next week (Thursday and Friday) and I very honestly told him, "I will believe it when you walk in my front door, and not a minute before."
Our plans have gotten changed too many times before for me to believe otherwise.
Anywho...
Today is probably going to be filled with water drinking, book reading, and exercising.
I really miss my water.
I actually have acne on my face because I have not been drinking water like I should and it makes me sad. :(
Well, no more.
For now, I am going to go get a shower and get myself ready for whatever the day has in store.
I will comment on blogs after I am clean, haha.
Have a wonderful day, lovelies; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food
Lunch [1:00 pm]
- 1/2 an enchilada (162 calories)
- 1 1/4 cups Spanish rice (225 calories)
- 1 cup peaches (66 calories)
Total: 453 calories
Snacks
- 1 rice cake (60 calories)
- 1 package whole grain sharp cheddar cheese crackers (180 calories)
- 1 chocolate malt push-up (90 calories)
- 1 sourdough hard pretzel (100 calories)
- 2 iced pumpkin squares (558 calories)
- 1 mini cherry muffin (189 calories)
- 6 Flatbread Crisps crackers (70 calories)
- 1 chocolate malt push-up (90 calories)
Total: 1,337 calories
Calorie Total: 1,790 calories

Water Intake: 12 fluid ounces

My plans keep changing; I hope this is not news to any of you, haha! <3

Day 91 - Inspiration

Good morning lovelies!
May this all find you having a wonderful Saturday!
Jen got a bath today, so she is not too happy about that, haha!
We have to go volunteer at the hospital today, or, as my mom likes to say, "go visit the old crazy people".
Last weekend went well, so I am hoping this weekend goes just as smoothly.
I like going a little earlier in the afternoon because then I can go during visiting time and meet the families of the patients.
Plus, if the families are there, it is less pressure on me to initiate conversation, which is nice.
I got inspired last night.
I stayed up until 2 am watching Lauren Greenfield's "Thin" documentary.
The girls are so beautiful.
I want to look like them one day.
Post-treatment, not pre-treatment.
And I CERTAINLY do not want my eating disorder back.
I would not wish that on my worst enemy.
I just want all my fat to be gone, and I want muscle in its place.
I want to be all muscle instead of all fat.
Toned and lean and proud of the body I have, instead of ashamed.
With enough hard work, I will get there one day.
And so will all of you.
I have to go get ready now, but I promise I will be around later to read and comment on blogs!
Have a wonderful day, lovelies; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food
Breakfast [10:45 am]
- 1 whole wheat bagel, toasted (188 calories)
- 1/4 cup nut and chocolate trail mix (173 calories)
Total: 361 calories
Lunch [2:45 pm]
- 1 Junior Bacon Cheeseburger, plain (320 calories)
- 1 value size fries (230 calories)
- 1 small caramel Frosty Shake (680 calories)
Calorie Target: 1,591/1,408 calories

Exercise: 500 crunches, 250 jackknives, 100 reverse dumbbell curls (-110 calories)
1 hour 10 minutes of water aerobics (-292 calories)

Net Total: 1,189/1,408 calories

Best documentary ever. <3

Day 90 - New Family Members! :)

Hello lovelies!
Wishing you all a wonderful Friday!
Today has been a very good day for our family.
My sister bought two new guinea pigs!
Patrick and Prescott. (Scotty)
I am so happy and excited for her.
She is ecstatic. :D
I got some awesome new black and pink Converse sneakers for $10 and a pair of dress boots as well for the same price.
Went and ate at "Taco Hell" and surprisingly, still feeling all right.
Probably not going to do much else today.
That was enough excitement for the whole weekend, haha.
Was going to get some t-shirts at K-Mart but my mom said they "looked awfully small for [me]."
One day, I swear, no one is going to say that any article of clothing looks too small for me to wear!
I am feeling pretty good today. :)
I hope you all are as well.
Once my sister takes more decent pictures of the piggies, I will upload them and share.
They are so damn cute! :D
Haha, anywho.
Hope you all have a wonderful day today; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food
Breakfast [11:00 am]
- 3/4 cup Cinnamon Toast Crunch (130 calories)
- 1/2 cup skim milk (40 calories)
Total: 170 calories
Lunch [2:30 pm]
- 1 order value size cheesy nachos (280 calories)
- 1 crunchy taco (170 calories)
- 1 bite of a MexiMelt (45 calories?)
Total: 495 calories
Dinner [5:45 pm]
- 2 pieces pepperoni pizza (362 calories)
Total: 362 calories
Calorie Target: 1,027/1,536 calories

Exercise: Just Dance 2 (-132 calories)

Net Total: 895/1,536 calories

My new Converse! Love 'em. :D <3

Day 89 - Life Goes On.

Good afternoon lovelies!
May today be a wonderful Thursday for you.
It certainly is for me.
One, my period is gone.
Woohoo.
Two, it is my boyfriend and I's 15-month anniversary today.
Woohoo!
And three, since all the period bloat is gone, I decided to weigh in today.
138.8.
WOOHOO! :D
I truly believe I have said goodbye to the 140's for good this time.
I have moved on from yesterday.
If you did not read, I got into a car accident.
Yes, it was scary, but you know what?
Wallowing in self-pity and letting it get to me to the point where I am scared to death to ever go driving again will not solve anything.
So I am just not going to let it affect me. :)
I have to wait for the car to get fixed before I can go out again though.
Whoops. :(
I am honestly not all that hungry today.
And who am I to force food on my body if it does not want it?
We are going out to dinner tonight, just like we do every Thursday.
And you know what?
I am totally okay with that.
Because I am going to eat as smart as I know how, and not flip out when it is time to order pie.
I love pie, and one piece is not going to kill me.
I am going to have to live with these cravings for the rest of my life, and rather than completely deprive myself and binge and gain tons of weight, I would rather eat the food in moderation, when I want to, be satisfied with it, and maybe gain a tiny bit of weight from it.
So yeah.
Pie for me. :D
Chocolate peanut butter, of course.
Om nom nom. :)
I hope they have good veggies.
I still have fruits and veg in the fridge I have not eaten yet, so I think I am going to nosh on that until dinnertime.
I gotta comment on blogs today, too!
Have a wonderful day, lovelies; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food
Lunch [2:45 pm]
- 25 grapes (50 calories)
- 1/2 a large pear (61 calories)
- 1 Garlic Chicken White Pizza Lean Pocket (260 calories)
Total: 371 calories
Dinner [6:00 pm]
- 1 cup applesauce (105 calories)
- 1 chicken parmesan sandwich (500 calories)
- 1 piece chocolate peanut butter pie (325 calories)
- Cool Whip (25 calories)
Total: 955 calories
Calorie Target: 1,326/1,280 calories

Exercise: Just Dance 2 (-219 calories)

Net Total: 1,107/1,280 calories

Water Target: 16/73 fl. oz.

FOOD PORN! Ahahaha. :D I love chocolate peanut butter pie! <3

Day 88 - The Week is Half Over!

Hello lovelies!
Happy Wednesday to all of you.
Another week is halfway over.
Time flies by so quickly!
So, I ate tons of calories at supper yesterday without thinking about it.
I felt guilty.
So I drank some water to flush out some of the sodium, and had a good workout with some of the songs from Just Dance 2. :D
My net is not what is posted (like 1,700+ calories?! EW.) but I am not sure how many calories I burnt considering the Just Dance videos were on YouTube since I do not have a Wii.
Oh, remember that little turn signal extender thing I was whining about not being able to find yesterday?
Turns out I was calling it the wrong thing.
It is a turn signal "adapter", not an "extender".
My mom typed "handicap turn signal" into Google and found it within 10 seconds.
I feel useless, lol. :P
So she ordered one last night, and it is on its way!
I will actually be able to use my turn signal!
Woohoo, lol. :)
I also filled out an application to graduate from university yesterday, because the people at my university told me to, even though I am not graduating this year.
It was weird.
Today, I am going driving, and doing who knows what else.
Maybe going to the library?
I need some more good books to read!
I am kind of in the mood to read some young adult books, to be honest. (some Georgia Nicolson books, eh, Camille?)
Nothing like going back to the books I used to borrow by the truckload from my public library back in the day!
Did anyone ever read "The Clique" series by Lisi Harrison?
That is one of my personal favorites in terms of young adult book series'. :)
Anywho, time to go figure out what is going on today.
Hope you all have a good one; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

**EDIT 5:01 pm** It seems like every time I think I have the hang of driving, I go and have an accident. I took a turn too fast, went off the other side of the road, almost hit a telephone pole but ended up in the grass. The car body is fine, and so are my twin and I. But I did something to one of the tires and the brakes are screwed up. I have no idea when I will be comfortable driving again.

Food
Breakfast [11:00 am]
- 3/4 cup Cinnamon Toast Crunch (130 calories)
- 1/2 cup skim milk (40 calories)
- 1 cup Motts Plus Pomegranate applesauce (50 calories)
Total: 220 calories
Lunch [3:15 pm]
- 1 Lean Pockets Stuffed Quesadilla (170 calories)
Total: 170 calories
Dinner [6:00 pm]
- 1 cup bite size rigatoni (220 calories)
- 1 piece garlic bread (185 calories)
- 1 chocolate rice cake (60 calories)
Total: 465 calories
Snacks
- 1 graham cracker (70 calories)
- 1 package Whole Grain Sharp Cheddar Cheese crackers (180 calories)
Calorie Target: 1,105/1,172 calories

Yeah, not for another year and a half, haha! <3

Day 87 - Driving Away & Sunny Days

Hello lovelies!
And hello, Tuesday.
Hope you are all doing well today.
I have a much more optimistic outlook about today compared to yesterday.
Mainly because I did not dream at all last night, haha.
After the past two nights' worth of nightmares, it was a welcome change. :)
I am, like, rarin' to go today.
It is weird.
Probably because I actually ate breakfast.
And I found my wallet, so I can go out driving.
I want to explore new routes today.
Explore new routes WITHOUT getting myself lost.
The last time my sister and I went out, she just told me to keep on driving until we ended up in a town almost a half an hour from our house!
Neither of us expected that, then I had to drive around looking for the interstate.
I am not allowed to drive on the interstate yet, hehe.
Soon, though, very soon.
I am researching driving routes.
I am not finding much, haha.
Time to go back to the old standby.
Keep on driving in one direction, and eventually you will figure out where you are, or you will just turn around and go back home.
Who knows where we will end up today? :)
It is really nice out today, so at least I have nice weather for driving, unlike yesterday.
It rained all day.
It was no fun.
At least today will be better.
And now I am rambling because I am distracted by the prospect of trying to find a) a route to drive and b) where to buy a turn signal extender for my car.
Because as of right now, I do not have a good grasp of using my turn signal.
It is because the turn signal is on the left side, where my hand controlled brake/gas lever is.
If I had a turn signal extender on the right side, then I could use it no problem.
But I am having difficulty locating one.
Sigh.
I guess this is what I get for not being able to drive like the rest of the world, huh?
Yay, I feel special. >.<
Anywho, I should probably go get ready because we need to go driving soon.
I promise to comment on blogs later!
You have all been so supportive of me, and I want to return the favor!
Hope you all have a wonderful day; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food
Breakfast [11:30 am]
- 1 pink lady apple (95 calories)
- 1 whole wheat bagel (188 calories)
- 2 tablespoons strawberry cream cheese fruit dip (70 calories)
Total: 353 calories
Lunch [4:45 pm]
- 1 jalapeno chicken and cheese pretzel bread Lean Pocket (280 calories)
Total: 280 calories
Dinner [6:30 pm]
- 4 pieces Italian bread (320 calories)
- 2 sausage patties (534 calories)
- 2 slices American cheese (140 calories)
- 1 Special K bar (90 calories)
Calorie Target: 1,717/1,152 calories

See the little black lever resting on the person's hand? That is what I need, and I cannot find one. Sigh. <3

Day 86 - Figuring it All Out

Good morning lovelies.
A very happy Monday to you!
Wait, who am I kidding?
MONDAYS SUCK.
Hahaha.
First off, I want to thank you all so much for the incredibly thoughtful, supportive comments you left on my last post.
I sincerely appreciate it!
I have done some thinking and come up with a solution.
Maybe I need to go back and make my plan a little less complex.
Like, still eat healthy, but only eat the servings I am comfortable with.
Maybe not track servings anymore.
And not be so concerned about hitting a calorie target, but stopping when I feel I have eaten enough in a day.
I have these moments every day where I usually hit a certain point and something clicks in my head that says, "Okay, you have eaten enough for today. No more."
I am going to try and drink lots of water too.
At least 1 glass every hour.
That way I will be sure to stay hydrated. :)
And I want to do a salt water flush either tonight or tomorrow, not sure which yet.
Oh, man, did I have a dream last night.
I was severely underweight, like in the lower 80's.
My boyfriend was trying to get me to eat, and of course, I would not.
I ended up collapsing in his arms.
Off we went to the ER.
Once they stabilized me, they immediately put me in ED treatment.
I gained just enough weight to get out of there.
When I got home, I started losing again.
My boyfriend caught me staring at myself in the mirror when I was changing clothes one day.
I did not know he was there.
He began by just asking me questions, but as he got more fired up, he began to yell.
"What did you do to your back?!"
"What the HELL is wrong with you?!"
"You look like a SKELETON!!"
"You're just a bag of BONES!!"
"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?!"
"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST EAT?!"
Then he broke down and cried.
I cried, too.
He took me to Renfrew in Pennsylvania, told me the choice was not mine anymore.
"I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to sit here and watch you DIE."
I refused to eat there, too.
Engaged in secret exercise, hid food, etc.
The last thing I remember was my boyfriend giving them the OK to force-feed me through a tube, and me fighting to the death to stop that tube from going in.
Scary freakin' stuff, man.
I woke up in a cold sweat, and looked down to see my dog with her head on my bed, wanting to come up.
She knew something was wrong.
I am okay now, though.
My best friend and her boy are coming over to visit me today. :D
My boy got a new job at a car dealership.
I am so proud of him!
He says he might be able to come down this next weekend.
Yeah, we shall see.
I guess I ought to go get ready.
I will be around later to comment on blogs and such!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food
Lunch [2:45 pm]
- 1 chicken, bacon, and cheese Lean Pocket (280 calories)
Dinner [6:15 pm]
- KFC mashed potatoes with gravy (120 calories)
- KFC chicken breast (360 calories)
- KFC chicken leg (120 calories)
- KFC chicken thigh (250 calories)
Calorie Target: 1,130/1,302 calories

Hopefully that is me one day, beating my scale to death... <3

Day 85- Struggling

Hello lovelies.
Hope this finds you all well.
This is going to be another short post.
But I have to admit something.
I am struggling, big time.
I do not know if I want to eat this much food any more.
I do not know if I want to be what everyone considers "healthy" anymore.
I feel so fat.
I feel like this is not happening fast enough.
I feel like all I do is binge.
I am so conflicted.
I do not know what to do anymore.
I am also concerned about my goal weight.
I have a large frame, and I am worried that when I reach my goal weight, people will think I look sick, which may equate to me being hospitalized.
Good thing that is a long way off, yet, but still, it really frightens me.
I hope it does not happen, but one never knows.
I hope you all are doing better and are happier than I am today.
Stay positive, stay beautiful, all of you. <3

Day 84 - Just Another Day...

Good morning lovelies!
A very happy Saturday to you all.
Today, I have to go to the hospital to do my volunteer work.
I am excited. :)
When I get home, I am just gonna chill.
I got my period yesterday, so I cannot weigh in on Sunday, which makes me sad.
Well, let me rephrase.
I should not weigh in on Sunday, but I probably will anyway, out of habit.
I think I have been doing really well lately and I am hoping it shows.
My sister is gone with some friends from school this weekend.
They invited her to go to Cedar Point with them.
I am really glad.
She needed to get out of here.
With the stress of finding a job and losing her guinea pig, she definitely needed a break.
Once I get back from the hospital, I am probably just going to spend the afternoon reading.
My stomach does not feel well today, and I have not read a good book in a bit.
So yeah, today is just gonna be a chill day.
I might watch some documentaries too. :)
Who knows?
But for now, I gotta get ready to go, because we are leaving for the hospital at 12:30!
I will comment on blogs when I get back, I promise!
Have a wonderful day, lovelies; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food
Breakfast [10:45 am]
- 3/4 cup Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal (130 calories, 1 serving grain)
- 1/2 cup skim milk (40 calories, 1/2 serving milk)
- 1 chocolate crunch rice cake (60 calories, 1 serving grain)
- 6 Flatbread Crisps Italian Herb crackers (70 calories, 1 serving grain)
Totals: 300 calories, 3 servings grain, 1/2 serving milk
Lunch [12:30 pm]
- 1 whole grain pita (130 calories, 1 serving grain)
- cooked ham (120 calories, 2 servings meat)
- 2 slices Swiss cheese (220 calories, 2 servings dairy)
Totals: 470 calories, 1 serving grain, 2 servings each meat and dairy
Snacks
- 1 Oreo Frosty Parfait (400 calories)
- 3 cinnamon bears (98 calories)
Totals: 498 calories
Calorie Target: 1,268/1,438 calories
Grain Group: 4/6 servings
Milk Group: 2.5/2 servings
Meat Group: 2/2 servings
Vegetable Group: 0/3 servings
Fruit Group: 0/2 servings

This is the less messy version of what I am going to be up against for the next seven days, haha! <3

Day 83 - Icky Weather with a Positive Attitude!

Good morning, lovelies!
A very happy Friday to you all.
It is the weekend again!
This week has just flown by so quickly.
Was I ever at the beach?!
Haha!
I really hope we go to the grocery store within the next couple of days.
I am really sick of eating all this crap food.
It does nothing but make me lethargic and just generally ill-feeling.
I want my fruit, veg, and whole grains back, pretty please and thank you!
I pretty much just told my mom that.
She is cleaning the bathroom, which is where my scale is, and asked me how vacation set me back on my diet.
I told her I gained seven pounds when I weighed in on Sunday, but then on Wednesday when I weighed in, I was down almost five.
Hopefully I am down even more on Sunday. :)
The weather is just really depressing and icky here today.
It is all rainy and stormy.
I hate this kind of weather.
But then again, I like it, because then I can stay indoors and exercise. ;)
I really want to watch ED documentaries today, because even though I have pretty much left my ED behind me, there is still nothing better to motivate me than watching those.
I do not know what my mom, sister, and I are doing today.
Going to get food at the grocery store maybe?
We need it!
I am just not really in the mood for food today.
I do not like being put in situations where I cannot eat healthily, like going to my friend's place.
If I cannot eat healthily, my body feels like crap.
Then when I start eating the healthy foods again, all is right with the world. :)
I do need to eat though, something.
Because like I have said so many times before, food deprivation only leaves me irritable.
I will probably wait until noon and eat lunch food then.
I am going to get back to commenting on blogs today.
I was right in the middle of it last night when my mom and sister wanted me to watch a movie with them.
It was a really good movie, actually.
Just Go With It, starring Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston, both of whom I love.
But anywho, time for me to get back to commenting while I drink my water and diet soda and ponder what to eat for lunch.
Hope you have a fabulous day, lovelies; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

**EDIT 4:22 pm** Today was a MAJOR win. I got:
- 12 grain bread
- whole grain pitas
- whole grain crackers
- whole grain bagels
- apples
- pears
- grapes
- broccoli
- carrots
- green beans
- diet ginger ale

All at the grocery store. My mom asked me if I wanted anything, and instead of making a list, I just went with her! It was so fun! Who would have thought you could have fun at a grocery store?! Haha! Plus, some guy called me pretty when my mom and I were walking down the laundry aisle. Made my day. :)

Food
Lunch [3 pm]
- 1 whole grain pita (130 calories, 1 serving grain)
- Jennie-O Hickory Smoked Honey Roasted Turkey Breast (60 calories, 1 serving meat)
- 1 slice baby Swiss cheese (110 calories, 1 serving milk)
Totals: 300 calories, 1 serving each of grain, meat, and milk
Dinner [5:30 pm]
- 2 cups Stove Top chicken stuffing (428 calories, 4 servings grain [1 NLEA serving is 1/2 cup])
- 1 chicken thigh, meat only (109 calories, 1 serving meat)
- 1 cup broccoli (54 calories, 2 servings vegetables [1 NLEA serving is 1/2 cup])
Totals: 591 calories, 4 servings grain, 1 serving meat, 2 servings vegetables
Snack [7:30 pm]
- 1 cup Trop 50 orange juice (50 calories, 1 serving fruit)
- 6 Flatbread Crisps crackers (70 calories, 1 serving grain)
Totals: 120 calories, 1 serving each of fruit and grain
Calorie Target: 1,011/1,568 calories
Grain Group: 6/6 servings
Meat Group: 2/2 servings
Milk Group: 1/2 servings
Fruit Group: 1/2 servings
Vegetable Group: 2/3 servings

Exercise: grocery shopping (-157 calories)

Net Total: 854 calories

Water Target: 20/73 fl. oz.

Do you have people in your life who think you cannot lose this weight and get gorgeous? I do. Time for us to prove them all wrong! <3

Day 82 - Release.

Hello again my lovelies.
I hope this post finds you well.
I will resume recording intakes and exercise tomorrow.
A few updates on how things are going.
My boyfriend is already on the job hunt again.
He put in five applications today so hopefully he gets a call back from somewhere.
I got to spend the night at my best friend's place last night, which helped my mood immensely.
I just got home not too long ago, which explains the timing of this post.
My eating has been crap the past couple of days for a lot of reasons.
I will get back on track tomorrow.
We went swimming at my friend's place today.
'Twas fun, but got water in my ear, and it is really annoying.
And now the sad bit.
Remember my sister's guinea pig and how I said he had congestive heart failure.
He died today.
It is really sad, but I know he is in a better place now with no suffering.
My sister seems to be doing really well, considering that guinea pig was like her life.
My body hates me right now because a) I have eaten so much crap these past couple days and b) I have not been exercising because the other night when I did water aerobics in my pool, I wore swim shorts that MAJORLY chafed my inner thighs.
Very, very painful.
I am still prone to waddling from place to place.
Hopefully it heals up soon.
I am going to resume my workouts tomorrow though.
Seemed like they were really helping.
I am going to go comment on blogs.
Right frickin' now.
I feel like I have been a horrible blogger because I have not commented in so long.
Well, no more.
I am going to go catch up on everyone's blog, right now.
Oh, and I am up to 80 followers!
*claps*
Thank you so much for the support, everyone! :)
It means the world to me.
Positivity, food intakes, and exercise will be resumed tomorrow.
I love you all! <3

Day 81 - Karma Blows.

This is not going to be a long or particularly cheerful post.
My boyfriend lost his job today.
I do not know when I am going to get to see him again.
Honestly, sometimes it feels like he is in the military for all the time I get to spend with him.
I told him to focus on finding another job and working out his finances.
There are things more important than me, and I realize and fully accept that.
It does not help to be bitter, it solves nothing, but for a while, I was.
This is what happens every time we make plans.
We get all excited, and then something comes up on his end to screw everything up.
I know for sure that any other girl would have walked out on him long before now.
People probably wonder why I stay with him.
I can tell you why.
It is because even though I may not get to see him all the time, he still finds time every day to let me know how special I am to him and how much he loves me.
It is the unexpected texts and phone calls just to see how my day went and to make sure I am okay.
And it is the promise that he will never leave me, no matter what.
That, to me, is love.
And I am going to hang on for dear life.
I hope this finds you all well.
I may try and comment on blogs later.
Love you all so very much. <3