Day 99 - A Poem...

Strength in a Secret [yes, I wrote this...]

Get rid of it, orders the voice.
But why?, I think.
I have not done anything wrong.
Lies, hisses the voice.
You are a horrible, horrible girl.
Evil, naughty, you are.
You knew you should not have eaten that, but you did anyway.
Now, you must pay.
Get rid of it.
Obediently, I go into the bathroom.
The lid on the toilet seat has been left up, almost as if in invitation.
I kneel in front of the white porcelain; stick my finger down my throat.
Tickling, scratching, I feel my body respond as it tries to reject the forbidden food inside me.
I retch, I choke, I gag.
Yet for all that, I gain no reward.
You are not trying hard enough, goads the voice.
GET RID OF IT, YOU STUPID, FAT, LAZY, PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A PERSON!!
Not wanting to anger the voice further, I try again.
My stomach clenches, my body tenses, as the tickling of my finger in the back of my throat begins to yield results.
Although my nose runs in earnest, and tears pour from my eyes, the first splashes of color appear in the transparent pool.
Exhilarated, I keep up the routine until all I have consumed is sitting under my nose.
The reds, blues, greens, and yellows of a complete and utter loss of control.
The control that I hold so dear.
That is more like it, pipes the voice.
And to think, you could have avoided this, if you were stronger.
As I stare at my forbidden feast floating in front of me, I feel a sense of accomplishment.
I put the lid down, flush, and know without a doubt that somehow, I AM strong.
Stronger than any food will ever be, with the voice in my head to guide me.
I smile, for no one knows my secret.
And they never will.