Day 259 - Reasons

Good morning lovelies.
I hope this post finds you all well and enjoying the day.
Me?
I am okay, all things considered.
I still want to beat my head off a wall anytime I hear one of our songs,I do not have much of an appetite, and I still catch myself thinking of him in the fleeting hours of the morning, but other than that, I am dealing.
Today I am going to post my list of reasons for getting thin and perfect in the new year.
So...

"My Incentives to Achieve Perfection"
1. First and foremost, boys are stupid. I am not going to be perfect for any guy. I am going to be perfect for myself, and myself alone.
2. I want to be healthier. As of now, I am overweight, and I want to get my BMI into a healthier range.
3. I want to be able to wear anything. I see so many cute clothes these days, and I cannot wear them because I am a size 10 instead of a 2, a L instead of a S or XS.
4. I want to be more confident in my own skin. Honestly, I have never been proud of the way that I look, and it is time for that to change.
5. I just want to be happy again. I think gaining confidence is definitely going to help with that.

That is my list.
Hooray.
I am going to go comment on blogs today, because I have missed doing it.
I hope you all have a wonderful day.
I love you all so much!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:
- 1 biscuit with butter and honey (252 calories)
- 1 Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki 6" sub from Subway (370 calories)

Total: 622 calories thus far (1:32 pm)

I thought you should know...

...that my boyfriend of one year, eight months broke up with me tonight.
Via email.
I am no longer sad about it.
More pissed.
And more motivated than ever to be the best I can be.
<3

Day 255 - The Beginning of Perfection

Good morning lovelies.
My plan is being put into action today, not the fifth, haha.
I got on the scale yesterday and just about died.
Granted, I was still on my period, but nonetheless.
So today, since that is all over, I begin my reinvention.
Again.
Hahaha!
I am super excited.
I can see me now...
*dies of happiness*
I shall be perfect.
So perfect.
I cannot wait.
I will post my weight after my shower.
I promise to be a much better commenter now!
I have been in a weird mood these past few days...
But no more!
I have to figure out what I want to get my boy for his Christmas present, haha.
He is coming down to spend New Year's with me.
I am so excited!
It has been almost three months since I have seen him.
I want to get him something really special and meaningful.
I will probably go to the personalized jewelry kiosk in the mall and see if they have anything good. :)
I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas, if you celebrate it.
I love you all so very much!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Weight = 138 lbs.

First goal = 133 lbs. on January 10th.

Food:

soft pretzel - 190 calories
lasagna roll up - 330 calories
chocolate covered peanut butter Ritz cracker sandwich - 389 calories (*sigh*)
Nemo gummies - 15 calories

Total: 924 calories

Day 252 - A Decision

January 5, 2012.
500 calories a day.
No more.
It takes hard work to be perfect.
<3

Day 250 - Ho, Ho...Oh, Hell...

Hello lovelies.
Here's hoping you had a wonderful day.
I did not.
I had the intake from Hell today.
I did really, really good up until dinner time.
Then we went to a pizza buffet.
And who stuffed herself like a fat pig?
Moi.
Cheers.
It was like this:
Control?
What is this 'control' of which you speak?
I clearly have none.
What I would not give for a laxative right now.
Or the ability to puke.
I know that sounds awful but I feel like crap.
Here is hoping tomorrow will be better.
Mom and I are baking cookies tomorrow.
I will not eat a single one.
Because I am strong, no matter how many stupid slip ups I may have.
Hope you all had a fantastic day.
Stay positive, stay beautiful. <3

Food:

I'm not even going to post it. That's how bad it was.

Total: I am a fat pig. Oink oink.

Edit: Junk food = nature's perfect laxative. Need I say more?


This pretty much sums up my feelings about myself right now. Ugh.

Day 249 - Eff You, Mother Nature

Hello lovelies.
Hope you all had a fantastic day.
Mine was...okay.
Four days before Christmas and I get blindsided by my lovely period.
Seriously, Mother Nature, what did I ever do to you to deserve this?
This means I am going to have it on Christmas.
Boo! :(
I feel like someone is repeatedly punching me in the stomach.
Not a nice experience.
I have been reading blogs as they have been updated today, but I have not been commenting as I should.
I shall fix that shortly.
May try to fit in some exercise later, we will see.
I am tired tonight. :\
I really need to be more disciplined.
I ate some pumpkin roll.
So good for the two minutes I was eating it, but now there is the guilt.
Oh, sigh.
At least I managed to stay under 1,000 calories today.
That is always my goal.
I hope you ladies had a wonderful day and are enjoying a nice night as well. :)
Stay positive, stay beautiful. <3

Food:

Nemo multivitamin gummies – 15 calories
1 cup Cinnamon Burst Cheerios – 110 calories
½ cup skim milk – 40 calories
5 peanut butter pretzel nuggets – 70 calories
chicken noodle casserole – 390 calories
1 slice pumpkin roll – 279 calories

Total: 904 calories


She is so beautiful and tiny, it makes me want to throw something at her, but alas, I love her, so I will not. :)

Day 248 - Bouncing Back

Good morning lovelies!
I hope this post finds you all well.
I had a major slip-up last night.
Binge from Hell?
You bet.
But you know what?
I no longer feel any negativity about it.
Every road has bumps in it.
Things are going to happen that knock us off our beaten path, and we have to simply dust ourselves off and carry on.
Today is a new day, and I am going to make it so much better than yesterday.
I have decided that I am reducing my calories to no more than 950 a day.
The 950 will be reserved for weekends.
I am getting real inspiration from Wintergirls.
I love the book so much, I could read it over and over and never tire of it.
I want to be a wintergirl, light as air and graceful.
I have these visions in my head of how I wish to look when I hit goal.
I wish I could draw so someone would know how I envision myself when I am perfect. :)
My plan is to finish Wintergirls today, and do God only knows what else.
OH!
My grades are in.
I got straight A's!
Another 4.0 for my college transcript. :)
I am so happy and proud, especially because this was the semester from Hell.
Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:

pizza pocket – 350 calories
1 cup lettuce – 8 calories
fat free Italian dressing – 15 calories
2 cups rigatoni – 440 calories
¼ cup sauce – 35 calories

Total: 848 calories

Damn right, it does, and we will all be skinny one day. <3

Day 247 - Things are Okay

Hello lovelies.
Hope you all had a wonderful day.
Mine was okay.
Did pretty well calorie wise I think.
Need to start drinking more water if I am going to get through this without dying.
I also need to not eat so much at one time.
I have such heartburn, ugh.
I have been reading Wintergirls and watching ED YouTube videos all day. :)
Such good motivation!
I think I am going to see if there is anything good on TV tonight to distract me from what lies within my kitchen.
Five out of my six grades are posted online.
I shall wait until tomorrow to give you my final GPA for the semester. :)
Do you like my new layout?
I thought it was pretty. :D
Off to read blogs, will comment at some point tonight.
Love you all so much; you are what keeps me going and keeps me strong!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:

pretzels with cheese - 70 calories
cheese bread - 340 calories
enchilada – 323 calories
noodles – 332 calories

Total: 1,065 calories


Love it; so tiny! <3

Day 246 - An Accidental Hiatus

Hello lovelies.
I apologize that I have been gone for such a long time.
Dealing with finals and fieldwork and lots of other stresses has left me unable to blog.
But never fear!
I am now on winter break, which means that beginning tomorrow, I kick this into hyperdrive.
Must lose lots of this fat.
And get it gone for good.
My sorority formal is in March so I want to look really good for it.
I will be back into the full swing of things tomorrow.
I just wanted to update so that you all would know I did not die, haha.
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Day 232 - Stress

Good morning to all of you lovely people out there. :)
Hope this finds you well and enjoying your day so far.
Yesterday was fun.
Mom, Dad, and I went out to see the movie "Tower Heist" for my mom's birthday.
We had heard mixed reviews on it, so we were not sure if it was going to be any good, but my mom and I thought it was really good and we liked it a lot.
Definitely recommend it to anyone who was thinking about going to see it. :)
Today I go back to university to prepare myself for another week of hell, haha.
Everything is due this week as we prep to go into finals.
Projects, fieldwork, assignments, everything.
I am going to have to take incompletes in two of my classes this semester due to not enough time to complete fieldwork hours.
That really upsets me.
I hate taking incompletes because it means I have to worry about those classes into the next semester.
If I already had my stupid license, this would not be a problem.
Guess who is going to be working overtime to try and get their license over break?
This one.
I need to get my license, sooner rather than later.
I do not have an option anymore.
This has got to happen, and quickly.
I am already stressed out about next semester.
Fabulous.
Just what I need, right?
My mom seems so chill about it all, telling me not to panic and that there has got to be a way for me to get all of my hours finished.
I will only relax when everything is done, and done well.
That is just how I function.
I always have to be worrying about something, ha.
Right now, it is getting all of my projects done this week, and making them good.
What is something that you are worried about this week?
Food updates will begin again tomorrow.

Make today a good one, loves.
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

She is so tiny! I want to look this cute one day. :) <3

Day 231 - No Straight Answer

Hello lovelies.
Hope this finds you all well and enjoying a spectacular Saturday.
A lot has happened in the past couple of days.
For one, my Dell laptop died yesterday.
So, guess who got an early Christmas present?
An HP Pavilion g6.
I love it. :)
My mom has lost more weight.
She is only one size bigger than me now.
I do not like this.
I need to be the thinnest, the smallest.
This is supposed to be what I am good at.
This means war.
Not only with my mom, but also my roommate and anyone else who dares to try and be as thin or thinner than I am.
It is on.
My stupid scale won't give me a straight answer on how much I weigh.
I got anywhere from 139.2 to 137.6 this morning.
It is so annoying.
I need to figure out my game plan for all this food stuff.
Less food, more exercise, more water.
I cannot slack off anymore.
I need to be the thinnest.
Somewhere, in my twisted mind, I have decided I need to be the winner of this food game in my life.
And I will be.
I do not care if I have to fast for days.
As long as I am eating less than everyone around me and exercising more than they are, I win.
This weekend is my mom's birthday, so I cannot really get away with not eating.
That will not fly here.
My family are a bunch of foodies.
They expect me to eat everything on my plate, every time.
Welcome to Hell, for sure.
How are the rest of you doing?
Well, I hope.
I will get caught up on blogs when I have a moment to breathe.
I have to go get ready now.
Make today a good one!

Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

I love this for some reason. She is so cute. :) <3

Day 229 - It Never Stops.

Greetings lovelies!
I hope this finds you all having a spectacular day.
My apologies for not blogging yesterday; I was super busy and could not find the time to sit down and write.
Today has not been too bad; fieldwork this morning, now getting some work done in the computer lab before my 3:30 Education class.
I am going home tomorrow, and I plan on weighing in Saturday morning.
I have to go home because Saturday is my mom's birthday, and I know it would break her heart if I did not help her celebrate it.
I should be getting paid by the school within the next week or so, which is going to be really nice.
Cash flow for holiday shopping?
I can roll with that! :)
I have to make this short because I am in the university library on a public computer surrounded by a whole bunch of other people.
I promise I will return comments tonight!
I hope you made today a good one.
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food [yesterday]:
- 1/4 cup chicken broth (+10 calories)
- 1/4 cup noodles (+55 calories)
- 1/4 cup grilled chicken (+61 calories)
- 2 broccoli florets (+26 calories)
- 1 Monte Cristo sandwich [ham & swiss] (+443 calories)
- 1 kid size Cheesecake ice cream [ColdStone Creamery] (+170 calories)

Total: 765/1,000 calories

Food [today]:
- turkey and swiss sandwich on wheat (+360 calories)
- banana (+112 calories)
- Lays potato chips (+240 calories)

Total so far: 712/1,000 calories

This is my absolute favorite thinspiration picture. Love. <3