A very happy Monday to you!
Wait, who am I kidding?
MONDAYS SUCK.
Hahaha.
First off, I want to thank you all so much for the incredibly thoughtful, supportive comments you left on my last post.
I sincerely appreciate it!
I have done some thinking and come up with a solution.
Maybe I need to go back and make my plan a little less complex.
Like, still eat healthy, but only eat the servings I am comfortable with.
Maybe not track servings anymore.
And not be so concerned about hitting a calorie target, but stopping when I feel I have eaten enough in a day.
I have these moments every day where I usually hit a certain point and something clicks in my head that says, "Okay, you have eaten enough for today. No more."
I am going to try and drink lots of water too.
At least 1 glass every hour.
That way I will be sure to stay hydrated. :)
And I want to do a salt water flush either tonight or tomorrow, not sure which yet.
Oh, man, did I have a dream last night.
I was severely underweight, like in the lower 80's.
My boyfriend was trying to get me to eat, and of course, I would not.
I ended up collapsing in his arms.
Off we went to the ER.
Once they stabilized me, they immediately put me in ED treatment.
I gained just enough weight to get out of there.
When I got home, I started losing again.
My boyfriend caught me staring at myself in the mirror when I was changing clothes one day.
I did not know he was there.
He began by just asking me questions, but as he got more fired up, he began to yell.
"What did you do to your back?!"
"What the HELL is wrong with you?!"
"You look like a SKELETON!!"
"You're just a bag of BONES!!"
"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?!"
"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST EAT?!"
Then he broke down and cried.
I cried, too.
He took me to Renfrew in Pennsylvania, told me the choice was not mine anymore.
"I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to sit here and watch you DIE."
I refused to eat there, too.
Engaged in secret exercise, hid food, etc.
The last thing I remember was my boyfriend giving them the OK to force-feed me through a tube, and me fighting to the death to stop that tube from going in.
Scary freakin' stuff, man.
I woke up in a cold sweat, and looked down to see my dog with her head on my bed, wanting to come up.
She knew something was wrong.
I am okay now, though.
My best friend and her boy are coming over to visit me today. :D
My boy got a new job at a car dealership.
I am so proud of him!
He says he might be able to come down this next weekend.
Yeah, we shall see.
I guess I ought to go get ready.
I will be around later to comment on blogs and such!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3
Food
Lunch [2:45 pm]
- 1 chicken, bacon, and cheese Lean Pocket (280 calories)
Dinner [6:15 pm]
- KFC mashed potatoes with gravy (120 calories)
- KFC chicken breast (360 calories)
- KFC chicken leg (120 calories)
- KFC chicken thigh (250 calories)
Calorie Target: 1,130/1,302 calories
Hopefully that is me one day, beating my scale to death... <3
Woah, that was some dream, alright! Freaky!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, portion control is the name of the game and only eating when hungry is key. Always drinks something first, most hunger is just thirst in disguise!
Have a good one. <3. XXX.
Woah, that was a scary dream!
ReplyDeleteI think if you just eat when you think you need it you will be fine :) there is no point in making yourself eat more than you want to :)
love that picture!
Lottie x
Definitely a scary dream, you didn't perhaps eat cheese before you went to bed?...seriously it's not a myth I always get nightmares after cheese. I also think that picture is brilliant - I might just have to set it as my desktop background! xxx
ReplyDeletewow.. that dream even gives me the shivers...
ReplyDeletehope he can make it next weekend
<3
That was a creepy dream! I'm one of those folks that believes dreams can give us insights into the future and stuff- yeah, I'm a nerdy weirdo! :) I hope your new plan works well for you- listening to your body and eating an amount YOU feel comfortable with is probably better than sticking to a set calorie limit.
ReplyDelete♥
Looks like lots of people have been having weird/bad dreams lately.. :/
ReplyDeleteIt's okay though, it was only a dream. :)
And that plan sounds good, and I love that picture. :D
< 3
ooh thats a horrible dream :/ probably because youre worried that that will happen - hopefully you have the will power that it wont ever happen!
ReplyDeletedrinking loads of water is great - fills you up more, hydrates you - makes your skin and hair bettter etc etc. yay for water :)
xx
That's a scary dream! Pretty extreme but it does happen to some people.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to have a really sensible and healthy outlook though so I wouldnt be too worried :)
Recently I've had a couple of dreams about binging...these sorts of dreams I've never had before, they can be a bit unnerving.
I hope you sleep better tonight.
-x-
I'm glad I've never had a dream like that, because it would freak me out really bad. I hope you have the strength to stop once you reach your goal weight, because I would hate to see that actually happen to you. Love the pic, and uggghhh.. KFC. I want fried chicken now, but not from KFC. Church's Chicken is SO much better (not sure if you have it there?).
ReplyDeleteThat dream would be enough to have anyone wake up in a cold sweat!
ReplyDeleteThank gosh it was only a dream though!
:)
Geez, what a freaking nightmare!!
ReplyDeleteYou'll be able to stop your weight loss when the time comes. It'll be nice because you know you can stop restricting so much and finally just live your life like a normal 21-year-old, ya know?
I want chicken. But from Church's. They have the best. lol
That dream definitely sounds like it was terrifying! It's scary to think about though, because I'm sure that in other people's cases, that story may have been true. Don't ever let yourself fall into that!
ReplyDelete