Day 41 - Reinvent Yourself

Hello lovelies.
I apologize for my uber depressing post late last night.
I was (obviously) really low and did not know where else to turn for support.
I did not want to talk to my boyfriend about it because I thought he felt like everyone else did, that I was an annoyance.
But I got texts and voicemails from him asking me to call him because he missed me.
So I did.
And that was rough.
I found it ironic at one point, though.
See, he has a bit of disordered eating as well, but the reverse of mine.
He is prone to binge eating.
At one point in our conversation, he was trying to give me diet advice.
I was chuckling to myself.
The binge eater giving the anorexic advice about food.
Hahaha!
I love him though, because all he was trying to do was help.
I would not change him for anything.
He is mine and I love him. :)
I do not know what to say about my weight today.
I weighed three different times, got three different weights.
147.6, 146.8, 148.2.
So I do not know what I weigh today.
I am not going to worry about it for the moment.
I was thinking last night as I was trying to sleep what I should do with the negative feedback I got from my mom and sister; they are the ones I was with when I went out to dinner last night.
I came to a conclusion.
I am going to use their feedback as motivation to reinvent myself.
I am going to ramp up the exercise regime to three times a day: once before breakfast, once after lunch, and once after dinner.
I am only going to eat unless I am being watched.
And then, I am only going to eat half of everything, unless it is fruit, veg, or calcium.
Absolutely no junk foods.
Absolutely no soda, not even diet.
Let us see how far I can get this summer.
I am going to do this.
I am going to reinvent myself.
I have the determination, drive, and strength to do this.
Bring it on, world.
Let us see how radically one girl can change herself in 12 weeks.
Let's go. <3

Food:
-1/2 a regular Arby's roast beef sandwich (+180 calories)
- 1 Arby's potato cake (+130 calories)
- 1 crescent cheese dog roll up (+340 calories)
Total: 650 calories

I had to write down the calorie information for the crescent cheese dog while the ingredients were still in the fridge. Did not want to arouse suspicion by rooting through the trash afterward for the wrappers! My mom made another comment at lunch when I did not finish my roast beef sandwich. She made a face and said, "You really cannot eat a whole sandwich?" To which I replied, "I do not WANT to eat a whole sandwich." I watched in satisfaction as she gulped down the biggest size of sweet tea Arby's had to offer, a regular roast beef, a potato cake, AND a cherry turnover, while all I ate was half a sandwich and one potato cake. :) Her lunch total: 1,110 calories. My lunch total: 310 calories. VICTORY IS MINE!

Soooo....my dad brought me a square of the chocolate peanut butter dessert that my mom made. I called on a classic ana trick. I smeared the dessert around the plate so that the plate was messy enough to look like I had actually eaten it, then I smushed it up, put it in some toilet paper, and flushed it. Then I walked out to the kitchen, said to my mom, "That was really quite good. Messy as all get out, but really good.", showed her my messy plate, and cleaned it. I am so proud of myself. WIN! :D

Water: 24.9 fl. oz.

The picture says it all... <3