Day 34 - Dealing with My Emotions

Hello lovelies!
I hope everyone had a great day yesterday and is having a wonderful one so far today.
Last night, well, sucked, honestly.
I had what I would consider a setback, although for most people who are not anorexic, they would have thought nothing of it.
I went out to dinner with my family and got so much food.
You would think that I would have stopped after I had eaten about half, because that is what I usually do.
Not this time.
I got a salad with Italian dressing and croutons, pasta salad, a huge piece of country fried steak with that white gravy on top of it, potato wedges, and a piece of apple pie.
And I ate every last bit of it.
As I said, a person not dealing with anorexia would think that was fine, it was a full meal, it tasted good, etc.
Not me.
Every bite I put in, I felt like I could feel the calories turning to fat on my body.
But I felt extreme pressure from my parents and sister to clean my plate.
My family has always been one to not only clear their plates, but have seconds as well.
I do not do well under pressure, so I ate every last bite, just to please them, even though I felt like crying with every bite I took.
We went to the store afterward because my parents needed to pick up some things.
I just sat in the car, held my stomach, and cried.
I fought the urge to purge, even though I wanted to so badly.
When I got home, I shut myself in my room, texted my boyfriend, and cried some more.
I hated telling him about it, because I knew it was going to upset him, but he always told me that if something was bothering me, he wanted to know about it, so that he could help me in the best way that he knew how.
I did double the exercise I would normally do after eating; anything to get rid of the awful food in my stomach.
I spent the night watching ED documentaries to make myself feel better.
Do any of you ever experience these kinds of episodes when you feel you have "binged", or eaten foods that you consider to be "bad" ones?
I am really hoping that today is a lot better...
Hang in there and stay strong, lovelies. <3

**EDIT 6:06 pm**
Food:
- 1 fruit cocktail snack bowl (+70 calories)
- 1 Hawaiian Punch Polar Blast drink mix packet (+10 calories)
- KFC mashed potatoes and gravy (+120 calories)
- 1 chicken leg (+120 calories)
- 1 chicken wing (+120 calories)
- 1 chicken thigh (+250 calories)
Total: 690 calories

They had ice cream cake. I really wish they would have asked me if I wanted a slice before dishing it out. Then I could have said "no", and they would not have cut me a slice, so I would not have had to feel bad when I told them "I do not really want any right now, thanks". That is what I told my twin when she came back with a slice of the cake for me, and she got really mad at me, exclaimed, "It's already cut!" and stormed out of my room with the cake in hand. Is this how it is going to go every single time I try to refuse disgusting junky food? If so, this is going to be a very long road, indeed. :\ BUT I RESISTED! Which is super good, considering my lack of willpower yesterday evening. So yeah, just thought I would share that. Me + Ana = 1, Cake = 0! :D

One day, that will be me. <3