I promise, I'm not dead...

Hello lovelies.
Between school, work, and sickness, my blog has fallen by the wayside.
Sincerest apologies from me.
As far as the weight ordeal, I am gaining for sure.
I have been going back and forth between bingeing and starving and have not the faintest idea how to break this damn cycle.
Any thoughts?
Um, I have been talking to this new guy I met on an online dating site (do not judge, lol, though I know you will not)
School has been crazy hectic, I have had a lot of my first exams this week in my different classes.
And I either have the flu or a nasty sinus infection.
The jury is still out.
This weekend I am going formal dress shopping with mi madre.
Excited because I have a lot more options now that I am smaller, mad because I am still not happy!
I will let you lovelies know if I find anything good. :)
I am going to comment on blogs now, darn it!
I will be weighing myself sometime this weekend, if I do not do it tonight.
Hope all is going well for all of you!!!
I have missed you.
Stay positive, stay beautiful. <3


Something about this picture just strikes me...I love it. <3

Day 264 - Suspended Animation

Hello lovelies.
Hope this post finds you well.
How is your 2012 going so far?
Mine is...okay.
I need to get out of here and get back to school.
Yet I also want to stay here forever.
I love my lazy days.
I have to pack tonight and tomorrow.
I start work again on Thursday morning, which means I move back tomorrow evening.
This is good, and bad.
Bad because I actually have to start doing things and worrying about stuff again.
Good because, well, I can be sneaky. ;)
I can get away with a lot more at school.
I really need to get back into shape.
I have the visions in my head of what I want to look like at goal swimming in my head.
Along with the inspiration from Lexi, Jenn, and Lia. ;)
Kudos if you can figure out what references I am making.
And God's guidance too.
I asked Him not to let me fall in love again unless it was with the guy He wanted me to be with forever.
I always had these preconceived notions of the guy I thought I would end up with.
I am learning, slowly, to let those notions go and to keep an open mind.
I know, eventually, the right one will come into my life.
As my mom says, when I least expect it.
Until then, my reinvention shall continue to commence.
For me, and no one else.
Make it happen.
Shock everyone.
Stay positive, stay beautiful. <3

Day 262 - HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hello lovelies!
Happy New Year!
I hope this post finds you all well.
I spent my New Year's Eve getting drunk with my aunts, haha.
I have tons of goals for myself this year!
Let the list commence!
1. Eat to live, not live to eat.
2. Exercise every day.
3. Stay hydrated!
4. Do not rely so much on the scale.
5. Cut back on the food.
6. Dress to inspire confidence in yourself.
7. No more biting your nails!
8. Be more positive and sociable.
9. Being clean is good.
10. Take better care of Jen. (my assistance dog)
11. Be less of a procrastinator.
12. Get closer to God.
13. Stay away from alcohol.
14. Sleep.
15. Be more frugal.
I am super excited to begin!
I hope you are all having a fantastic New Year! :)
Stay positive, stay beautiful. <3

Food:
- 1 cup green beans (+44 calories)
- 1 cup mashed potatoes w/ 1/2 cup gravy (+236 calories)
- 1 cup noodles (+221 calories)
- 1 chicken leg (+264 calories)
- 1 chicken thigh (+153 calories)
- 1 roll with 1 tbsp. butter (+167 calories)

Total: 1,085 calories

Day 259 - Reasons

Good morning lovelies.
I hope this post finds you all well and enjoying the day.
Me?
I am okay, all things considered.
I still want to beat my head off a wall anytime I hear one of our songs,I do not have much of an appetite, and I still catch myself thinking of him in the fleeting hours of the morning, but other than that, I am dealing.
Today I am going to post my list of reasons for getting thin and perfect in the new year.
So...

"My Incentives to Achieve Perfection"
1. First and foremost, boys are stupid. I am not going to be perfect for any guy. I am going to be perfect for myself, and myself alone.
2. I want to be healthier. As of now, I am overweight, and I want to get my BMI into a healthier range.
3. I want to be able to wear anything. I see so many cute clothes these days, and I cannot wear them because I am a size 10 instead of a 2, a L instead of a S or XS.
4. I want to be more confident in my own skin. Honestly, I have never been proud of the way that I look, and it is time for that to change.
5. I just want to be happy again. I think gaining confidence is definitely going to help with that.

That is my list.
Hooray.
I am going to go comment on blogs today, because I have missed doing it.
I hope you all have a wonderful day.
I love you all so much!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food:
- 1 biscuit with butter and honey (252 calories)
- 1 Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki 6" sub from Subway (370 calories)

Total: 622 calories thus far (1:32 pm)

I thought you should know...

...that my boyfriend of one year, eight months broke up with me tonight.
Via email.
I am no longer sad about it.
More pissed.
And more motivated than ever to be the best I can be.
<3

Day 255 - The Beginning of Perfection

Good morning lovelies.
My plan is being put into action today, not the fifth, haha.
I got on the scale yesterday and just about died.
Granted, I was still on my period, but nonetheless.
So today, since that is all over, I begin my reinvention.
Again.
Hahaha!
I am super excited.
I can see me now...
*dies of happiness*
I shall be perfect.
So perfect.
I cannot wait.
I will post my weight after my shower.
I promise to be a much better commenter now!
I have been in a weird mood these past few days...
But no more!
I have to figure out what I want to get my boy for his Christmas present, haha.
He is coming down to spend New Year's with me.
I am so excited!
It has been almost three months since I have seen him.
I want to get him something really special and meaningful.
I will probably go to the personalized jewelry kiosk in the mall and see if they have anything good. :)
I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas, if you celebrate it.
I love you all so very much!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Weight = 138 lbs.

First goal = 133 lbs. on January 10th.

Food:

soft pretzel - 190 calories
lasagna roll up - 330 calories
chocolate covered peanut butter Ritz cracker sandwich - 389 calories (*sigh*)
Nemo gummies - 15 calories

Total: 924 calories

Day 252 - A Decision

January 5, 2012.
500 calories a day.
No more.
It takes hard work to be perfect.
<3