Day 108 - A Life Update.

Hello lovelies.
Just a quick update to let you know I am not dead or dying or critically injured.
I have just been taking some time out to refocus my life and prepare for my senior year of university.
3 weeks from today I move back.
I am excited.
I am probably going to not be around as much for a while.
Just thought I would let you all know.
I will be around every now and again, to read and comment blogs, but it will not be every day like it used to be.
I hope this post finds you all well, happy, and positive.
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Day 100 - Gaining Back Control

Good morning lovelies!
Hoping this finds you having a wonderful Monday.
So sorry I have not been around much lately.
What with my boy being here on Thursday and Friday, and the weekend...time just got away from me.
Things have been...decent.
I gained again this weekend, but honestly, it was to be expected, because of all the junk I ate.
But no more.
Today, I am water fasting to detox my poor body and hopefully get rid of some of the crap in there.
I also came up with a workout schedule for myself.
Cardio on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday.
Toning on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.
Cheers. :)
As far as today goes, I am going to drink a big glass of water every hour until dinnertime.
I know I will have to eat dinner, I can never get out of it.
But the good news is that I will be doing two hours' worth of cardio right after dinner, so I will burn most of it off. :D
This is, honestly, probably how every day during the week is going to go.
Drink water all day, eat dinner, exercise.
Repeat.
Then on the weekends, hope it all does not go to hell.
Sigh.
I need to lose this weight.
NEEEEED TO.
More than anything.
I am going to have to start figuring out how I want to eat and exercise when I get back to school.
Any ideas?
I want to hit my UGW while I am away at university.
I know I can do it.
And with my hectic lifestyle this semester, I think it will be all too easy.
I just hope no one decides to be forceful.
Because I will rebel.
Oh, you betcha.
I like being at school more because I can get away with a lot more stuff than I can if I am here.
I think subconsciously, I purposely scheduled my Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays so that I do not have a lunch break.
I am screwed on Tuesday and Thursday, though, because I only have one class that day.
Haha, great.
At least I can get tons of exercise walking the campus to make up for it! ;)
Even though my boyfriend is not at university with me anymore, he does not have to worry about me being unprotected, because I have my best friend and 30-something sorority sisters to watch out for me.
I loooove college. ;)
Hope you all have a wonderful day; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food
Dinner [6:00 pm]
- 1 burger patty (140 calories)
- 1 slice Kraft Singles American cheese (70 calories)
- 1 hamburger bun (110 calories)
- 10 Ore Ida Extra Crispy fries (150 calories)
Total: 470 calories

A picture of my university campus in Ohio; I love this place! :D

Day 99 - A Poem...

Strength in a Secret [yes, I wrote this...]

Get rid of it, orders the voice.
But why?, I think.
I have not done anything wrong.
Lies, hisses the voice.
You are a horrible, horrible girl.
Evil, naughty, you are.
You knew you should not have eaten that, but you did anyway.
Now, you must pay.
Get rid of it.
Obediently, I go into the bathroom.
The lid on the toilet seat has been left up, almost as if in invitation.
I kneel in front of the white porcelain; stick my finger down my throat.
Tickling, scratching, I feel my body respond as it tries to reject the forbidden food inside me.
I retch, I choke, I gag.
Yet for all that, I gain no reward.
You are not trying hard enough, goads the voice.
GET RID OF IT, YOU STUPID, FAT, LAZY, PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A PERSON!!
Not wanting to anger the voice further, I try again.
My stomach clenches, my body tenses, as the tickling of my finger in the back of my throat begins to yield results.
Although my nose runs in earnest, and tears pour from my eyes, the first splashes of color appear in the transparent pool.
Exhilarated, I keep up the routine until all I have consumed is sitting under my nose.
The reds, blues, greens, and yellows of a complete and utter loss of control.
The control that I hold so dear.
That is more like it, pipes the voice.
And to think, you could have avoided this, if you were stronger.
As I stare at my forbidden feast floating in front of me, I feel a sense of accomplishment.
I put the lid down, flush, and know without a doubt that somehow, I AM strong.
Stronger than any food will ever be, with the voice in my head to guide me.
I smile, for no one knows my secret.
And they never will.

Day 97 - Luckiest Girl in the World!

Hello lovelies!
Another short post again, because I am pressed for time.
I just had to tell you what happened yesterday!
MY BOYFRIEND SURPRISED ME WITH A PROMISE RING!
I am SO excited!
It looks more like an engagement ring, to be honest.
My boy said that is what it was GOING to be, then he remembered my dad is old-fashioned and decided to make it a promise ring instead.
I am completely happy, because I could never imagine myself with anyone else but him. :)
We are going to see Friends with Benefits today!
Me, boy, mom, and twin sister, lol.
I hope you are all doing wonderfully.
Have an awesome day today; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

My promise ring; what do you think? :D <3

Day 96 - Oh, Rapture...

Good morning!
Happy Thursday!
Just a quick update as I have got some major cleaning to do.
Weighed in this morning at 137.8, that is the lowest my weight has been in forever!
I am completely and totally wired today.
My body woke me up at 6 am and I could not go back to sleep, so at 9:30 I just said screw it and got up, haha.
My boy is supposed to be here between 1 and 2; fingers crossed!
My family is going to a pizza buffet tonight for dinner.
Definitely not looking forward to it, but am going to try and enjoy it for my boy's sake.
I know he worries about me.
I am so excited I can barely sit still, haha.
Not looking forward to cleaning, but it has gotta be done.
Weighing the least I have in years is definitely a good start to my day!
I hope you all have a wonderful one; you deserve it!
I will post when I can. :)
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Today's food demon. Cheers! <3

Day 95 - Battles

Good morning lovelies!
Hoping this finds you having a fantastic Wednesday.
The week is half over, once again.
I move back to university in 4 and a half weeks' time.
Scary.
Although, this is not my last summer of freedom before the "real world".
Next summer is, haha.
I am noticing that I still have some little demons in my head.
Battling me.
It is unsettling, but I still have a handle on it.
You know those demons.
The ones that tell you that you should not eat certain foods because they will make you fat.
The ones that tell you that weighing yourself early will not kill you.
The ones that tell you to do another 100 crunches because the 500 you have already done are not enough.
And, most importantly, the ones that tell you that even though you have lost bunches of weight already, you are still fat and there is still room for improvement.
Do the rest of you have these demons in your head? What do yours say to you?
My turn signal thingy bob that I wanted came yesterday, which was totally cool.
I think my car MIGHT be back in my driveway, 'cause I heard commotion outside earlier.
Woohoo!
My boy comes tomorrow.
I am super freakin' excited!
He just texted to say we will not be able to go out anywhere when he gets here because of his budget, and I said, "Seriously? You really think I care if we go anywhere? I just want to frickin' see you! IT HAS BEEN THREE MONTHS."
I cannot waaaaaaaaaitttttttt. :D
He says he has presents for me.
Oh, gosh, presents?
Cheers!
I like nice things!
Haha!
I need to find something to do today.
Hm, the possibilities. :)
Hope you lovelies all have an absolutely wonderful day; you deserve to!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food
Lunch [1:45 pm]
- 1/4 cup chocolate & nut trail mix (173 calories)
- 1/2 a chicken & jalapeno cheddar pretzel bread Lean Pocket (140 calories)
Dinner [6:00 pm]
- 1 hot dog bun (120 calories)
- 1 hot dog (170 calories)
- 1/4 cup coney sauce (340 calories)
- 1 ear corn (83 calories)
Total: 1,026 calories

She is so beautiful. I want to be that one day. <3

Day 94 - A Sense of Calm

Good afternoon lovelies. :)
Hoping this finds you having a beautiful Tuesday!
Not much to say on my end today.
I am just really calm and in a good place.
Did really, really well with my eating yesterday.
I am so proud.
No binging! :D
My boy should be coming down on Thursday, which is more exciting than anything else.
I am currently helping my best friend look at bridesmaid dresses online.
Neither of our weddings is in like the next year or anything, but it is still fun to look. :)
I like being girly like this.
I found a wedding dress for myself too, hahaha.
Now if only I could walk without tripping. :P
I guess I am caught up in wedding craziness because a lot of my friends in real life are getting ready to get married, and I know Kitty is preparing for her wedding, too. :)
Enough of my rambling on about wedding wishes, lol.
Time to go read a book...or something!
Hope you all have a fantastic day; you deserve it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

Food
Lunch [2:00 pm]
- 2 mini cheese pizzas (190 calories)
Snacks
- 1 chewy peanut sweet and salty granola bar (190 calories)
Dinner [6:00 pm]
- 1 butter & egg sandwich bun (120 calories)
- 1 portion Philly steak (250 calories)
- 1/2 cup cheese sauce (220 calories; could not portion it, my dad made the sandwich)
- 1 sugar free caramel pudding (60 calories)
Total: 1,030 calories

Exercise: Just Dance 2 (-63 calories)

Net Total: 967 calories

This is my dream wedding dress. Princess, much?! :D <3