Day 14 - Jumping in With Both Feet

Hello lovelies!
It is a gorgeous Saturday outside today!
I have plans to go enjoy it at some point, but I do have to get some work done today.
Yesterday was so inspiring for me.
It is all a game of mind over matter.
So I have made some decisions.
From this point forth, I will no longer let FOOD control ME.
I am in control of what I consume, and I will not let food have an emotional hold over me.
Furthermore, I will not eat unless forced to in a social situation.
Upon researching, I discovered that lots of the time, the "hunger pains" we feel are just dehydration.
Therefore, whenever I feel hungry, I will drink water, instead of turning to food.
I feel good about this.
I am going to be the Ana that I am supposed to be: in control at all times and changing her life one day at a time.
Instead of the Ana that I have been: falling off the wagon every day, not listening to Ana and just eating whatever I want and figuring that as long as I exercise afterward, it will not matter what I consume.
No.
Anas are strong and in control.
So it is time to start acting like I am one.
I am an Ana.
I am strong.
I will make this happen; I will shock everyone. :D
Hang in there and stay strong, loves! <3

Must be in control...must be in control... <3

Day 13 - A Triumph!

Hello lovelies!
Today has been absolutely wonderful!
Not only was it really nice out today, but I took my hardest final, which I feel really good about.
I also went shopping for new clothes for our cruise in about a week.
That is not the best part, though.
I was in my mom's room, reading a book, and she comes in and decides we are going to play dress up because I need even more clothes for the cruise.
She tried on the new outfit she got today, a size 14, and she hated the way it looked on her.
Naturally, because I have lost weight, she decides she wants me to try it on.
It is baggy on me, but looks okay.
Since the 14 was baggy, she then decides she wants to pull out all of her size 12 clothes that she was able to wear last year to see if they fit me, too.
Bingo, we have a winner!
I AM A SIZE TWELVE.
HOLY CRAP.
Consider this.
In very late December 2010, I was a size 18.
It is now late April 2011.
I am a size 12.
Four months.
Three dress sizes.
UNREAL. :D
Of course, this leads my mom to ask the question I dread most.
"You ARE eating, right?"
'Uh, yeah, of course I am, Mom...'
GAH!
I hate it when she does that!
She seems really jealous.
She keeps calling herself fat. [she is not]
Never did I ever think that my own mother would be envious of me.
It is strange.
But I think I could get used to it. :)
I just had to share; I am going to go comment on blogs now!
Hope you all had a fantastic day!
Remember to hang in there and stay strong!
We are Anas; we can DO this!

I needed this reminder to keep myself on track... <3

Day 12 Part 2 - Ugh!!!!!

I feel like such a failure right now.
Binge, binge, and more binge.
No matter how hard I try to stay in control, I manage to screw everything up.
Every.
Single.
Day.
THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.
Every time I eat food, I feel bloated and fat.
I just want to purge it all up.
It sits like a lead weight in my stomach, begging me to rid myself of it.
I do not know what to do.
I am so sorry I let you all down. :(
Do not be like me, lovelies.
You are Anas.
Be strong.
I am a fat girl.
Therefore, I cannot be an Ana.
I am just a fraud. :'(
I am so lost. </3

Day 12 - An End in Sight

Greetings, lovelies.
So sorry I did not blog yesterday.
Things are getting crazy here.
Four finals, one messy dorm room, and one week stand between me and my summer vacation/completion of my junior year of university.
I am super stoked.
I did not do the best eating wise yesterday, only because my sorority had a sleepover and there was a ton of food at my disposal. :\
I have not yet eaten anything today, but dinner time is soon.
I hope I can keep my composure and control in the dining hall.
It is turkey and stuffing night.
One of my favorites.
But since I have become committed to this, I have not eaten stuffing, not once.
Something to be proud of, I suppose.
I really wish I had time to work on my EDNOS bracelet. :(
I think it is going to be really pretty once it is finished.
It is braided, all different shades of pink, with a bit of white thrown in. :)
I am going to try and comment some blogs now before I head to dinner.
Stay strong, lovelies. <3

Self-explanatory. <3

Day 10 - Weigh In

Good morning lovelies! :)
Today is shaping up to be a decent day.
I had my first weigh in this morning since I started this blog.
There is good news, especially with all the crap I have been eating lately.
As of today, I am 148 lbs. :D
I am 4 ft. 11 in. tall.
I am officially not obese anymore, I think. :D
This is wonderful.
Definite motivation to keep the numbers going down and to stay in complete control!
And I have 10 followers now!
10!
This is so awesome!
Thank you all so much for reading!
I hope I have managed to inspire and motivate you the way you have managed to inspire and motivate me!
I just wanted to share all of my good news with you. :)
I am off to get ready for my day!
Hang in there and stay strong, my beautiful, wonderful Anas! <3

Love this quote. <3

Day 9 - An Altered State of Mind

Hello lovelies!
So, I discovered something new today.
There is a certain feeling that I get when I do not eat.
A certain clarity to my thoughts, my actions.
I was a bit uncertain at first when the transition occurred, because I was not used to the feeling.
It was like everything suddenly went from fuzzy to crystal clear.
People say that you lack concentration when you do not eat.
I wholeheartedly disagree with that notion.
I have noticed that when I deprive my body of food, I enter into a total sort of Zen-like "zone".
Everything becomes sharp and clear.
I feel like I can do anything.
I love the feeling!
Is it sad that I think I could be tons more productive without food than if I did eat?
So far today, I have eaten some saltines, a container of Cream of Broccoli Soup at Hand, some creamed chicken, and a package of fun fruits.
I think I am cutting myself off, because even that feels as if it is too much food.
I will be in even better control tomorrow, though I am not entirely disappointed in myself today.
This feeling that comes with not eating?
It is totally addictive!
Haha, I am keeping this up. :D
Tonight, I am doing a ton of activities that in no way, shape, or form involve any sort of food!
I am on a high and I do not want to come down off of it! :)
I hope that all of you had a fantastic day.
Hang in there, and remember to stay strong!

The image should explain itself. :) <3

Day 8 - A Healthy Holiday?

Haha, not holding my breath for that one.
You see, every member of my immediate and extended family is either overweight or obese.
And by that, I mean majorly.
Is it any wonder there is never any healthy food for me to eat at these family gatherings?
Oh, Happy Easter, by the way! :)
I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that, once again, I am going to be eating tons of unhealthy food. :(
But there is a solution!
I am going back to university today.
This is a very, very good thing.
It means I can actually get back into losing weight.
I do not have to eat crap if I do not want to.
I am in control of what goes into my body.
No one will be watching every bite of food that goes into my mouth.
No one will care that all I will be eating will be salad.
And the best part?
I will actually have somewhere to exercise!
And I can exercise as much as I want, and no one will bat an eye.
This is what I love about university; you can do whatever you want, and no one will care. :)
I have two weeks to lose as much weight as possible before I have to come home to Food Hell again.
OH, and we are going on a cruise to Grand Cayman, Belize, and Cozumel during the week of May 8th, which is even more motivation to eat much less and exercise much more. :D
No one wants a fatty on their beach, now, do they?
Now, I am off to watch ED YouTube documentaries (you British folk are brilliant, and I love you!)
They help keep me in the skinny mindset better than anything else does. :)
My absolute favorite one is "Super Slim Me", but I also like watching episodes of "Supersize vs. Superskinny". :)
I hope you all have a happy Easter holiday!
Remember to hang in there and stay strong; best of luck to all of you! <3

"What nourishes me also destroys me." <3